I'm Sure it was Art
by WhirledPeace
Summary: AU: Deidara's life is bad enough to drive him to a poorly planned suicide, and in his endeavours to execute it he meets someone. Can one person truly be enougb to keep him alive? SasoDei, slight KakuHidan. Warnings: character deaths, yaoi lemons.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is a short introduction to what is planned to be one of my saddest stories yet. Warnings: character death, depressing themes, yaoi, and future lemons.

* * *

Deidara looked down off the freeway overpass. It would be quick. It would be mostly painless, if he did it right. And the pain he would endure would be nothing compared to the years of suffering he'd already endured. Just a jump. The cars were moving; he'd better get his act together and jump before they stopped and he was forced to go through more pain than he'd already gone through.

As he stood and stepped over the bar, he found himself remembering every happy moment in his life. It was a quick thought, nothing more than the one bright flash of hope he'd ever had. Once it was over, he found himself plummeting towards the traffic below.

* * *

Sasori watched the road carefully. "You're doing good, Sasori-san. Easier on the brake, the traffic is stopping up here," the driving instructor was saying. Sasori did as he was instructed, easing professionally on the brake. "Don't be so nervous. You're too tense." Sasori relaxed his shoulders, letting his hands rest loosely on the wheel.

"Am I doing well?" he asked.

"Yes. Oh dear, traffic seems a bit thick, doesn't it?" the driving instructor said. "Easy on the breaks. Wow, a complete stop! I wonder if there's an accident. . ." Sasori checked out all the windows, and was about to adjust his rearview mirror, when a sudden heavy object landed on top of his car. "What the hell was that?" the driving instructor cried, leaping from the car. Sasori did so as well, to find a very attractive teenage boy lying, and still breathing, on the hood of the car. "Oh my God!" the driving instructor screamed, grabbing the boy's arm and pulling him off the hood of the car. The boy groaned in pain.

"Here, don't move him too much," Sasori said calmly, helping move the boy into the backseat. Then they both got back in the car and managed to get over to the side of the road, parking on the shoulder. Both Sasori and the driving instructor got out, and Sasori handed her his phone. As she was calling, he crawled back into the car to take a look at the blonde. He looked like he was coming to. "Hello," Sasori said, leaning over the blonde, who simply groaned in response. "Does it hurt to breathe?" The boy nodded. "Hmm, I would think you cracked a few ribs, but luckily you didn't damage your spine. Don't worry, we're going to get you to a hospital." The boy did nothing, not even opening his eyes. Sasori assumed he had blacked out again.

* * *

Deidara awoke in a white room, with white walls, and lying in a white bed. He groaned, turning his head to find a shock of red hair. Still a bit drowsy from the drugs, he blinked until the face swam into focus. "Who're you, un?" he slurred.

"Akasuna no Sasori," the boy, Sasori, replied.

"What're you doing here, yeah?"

"You landed on my car, so we took you to a hospital."

"Why'd ya do that?"'

"You bruised your sprained your ribs and your left arm, and bruised a good portion of your body, but otherwise you're unharmed. Rather fortunate, after jumping off of a freeway overpass."

"Suppose you want to know why, yeah?" Deidara sat up a bit, feeling more alert.

"It's not required. But would you mind telling me your name so I can complete this form?"

"Deidara, un. Just Deidara."

"Ok then. How old are you?"

"Seventeen, yeah."

"All right. Date of birth?"

"No clue, un. I celebrate my birthday at new years, un."

"Oh dear. Well, why don't we just put January 1st, then?" Sasori suggested, filling in the respective numbers. "All right then. Cause of injury?"

"I tried to kill myself, and failed miserably, un."

"How about I put attempted suicide, with a new shot at life?" Sasori said. Deidara said nothing. "Do you have any family?"

"No, yeah."

"Who takes care of you?"

"No one, yeah."

"Where do you live?"

"834 Height Street, un," Deidara mumbled. They were busted for sure, now.

"I see. I've called my grandmother, and she's sure to be here to take us home. How are you feeling?"

"Fine, yeah," Deidara lied, not wanting to reveal his shriveled, eaten away inside.

"The doctors said you could leave once you woke up. Do you think you can stand?" Sasori stood up, being careful not to jostle Deidara's right arm as he helped the blonde out of the bed. Deidara found his pants and shirt slung over the back of the chair Sasori had been sitting on, and quickly put them on. He ignored the pain, gritting his teeth as he followed Sasori out of the hospital. "That's her car, right there," Sasori said, pointing to a sleek black car. Deidara whimpered slightly, but bit his tongue to keep from crying out in pain. "Are you all right?" Sasori asked concernedly.

"Fine," Deidara growled, grinding his teeth. Sasori opened the door for him and helped him in, conscious of the blonde's wounds. Once inside, Deidara sighed and rested against the leather interior. An old lady turned around and glanced at Deidara, before letting her eyes rest on Sasori. He shrugged, and as they began to drive off, he took out a small scrap of paper and scribbled a number on it.

"Where are we going?"

"834 Height Street," Sasori answered. Deidara sighed, the redhead had already memorized the address. His day was just going from bad to worse. Slowly the buildings outside the window grew more dilapidated, and just when it seemed they couldn't get any worse, they came to a positively horrid old warehouse. It was almost a miracle that the numbers 834 hung off the wall. "Is that it?" Sasori asked. Deidara nodded, getting out of the car on his own. Sasori followed him, handing over the piece of paper. "That has my address and phone number. If you ever feel like killing yourself, come by or give me a ring."

"Thanks, yeah," Deidara muttered, looking away. Sasori lay a hesitant hand on his right shoulder. Deidara jerked away, wishing only to be left alone. Sasori understood.

"Maybe I'll see you again, even if you don't need to call me?" Sasori suggested. Deidara shrugged, wincing in pain. "All right then. Take care." Sasori turned and left Deidara in peace.

Deidara kicked the door open and stumbled into the open space. "Hey, Blondie. Didn't expect to see you back here," Hidan said, grinning.

"It didn't go as planned, yeah," Deidara muttered, crumpling to the ground next to Hidan's lying form.

"Aw, don't worry. Everyone fails their first time," Hidan said. "I did." Deidara groaned in response. "So what happened?"

"I jumped off of a freeway overpass into oncoming traffic, yeah. Who would've thought it wouldn't work, un? But I landed on top of a stopped car, and they took me to the hospital, yeah."

"Oh dear," Kakuzu said. He had been sitting quietly in his little corner, not exactly caring that Deidara had come back at all. "We're lucky they didn't track us and send us the bill."

"What happens if we don't pay, un?" Deidara asked. Hidan and Kakuzu groaned in unison.

"Don't tell me they know we're hear!" Hidan cried.

"No one important, yeah. Just the guy who's car I landed on, un."

"You've got to be kidding me," Kakuzu groaned. "You know what'll happen if they find out we're here?"

"Jail, probably, yeah. Tried as adults, even."

"That's right. And there's going to be lots of explanations we can't give, a lot of nasty things we don't want to go through."

"Mmm," Deidara mumbled.

"Aw, little Blondie fainted. Well, we'd better let him sleep, that arm looks a bit swollen." Kakuzu said nothing, but Hidan knew he agreed.

* * *

A/N: Hope you liked it! I'll ask for five reviews before I post the next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Sasori stared at the pill bottle. "Sasori, have you taken your medication?" Chiyo asked from the kitchen.

"Hai, Chiyo-sama, I'm taking them," Sasori sighed, taking up the bottle and popped a few pills into his mouth. He felt his heart slow to a regular pulse, his calm returning.

"Sasori, get in here and help me with lunch," Chiyo called.

"Hai, Chiyo-sama," Sasori consented, walking into the kitchen. Chiyo was making sandwiches, her old hands working slowly. Sasori took the bread and mayonnaise from her and began spreading one on the other. "You should rest, Chiyo-sama."

"Ah, arigato, Sori-kun." Chiyo turned and trotted happily into the living room. "And don't forget the cheese!"

* * *

A six year old Deidara looked around his mother's room. "Mummy?" he asked. No response. He snuck into the room and tugged on his mother's sleeve, for her arm was hanging conveniently over the edge of the bed. "Mummy, you promised to take Dei-Dei to school today, un. Dei-Dei needs to learn to read." His mother didn't respond. "Mummy, please wake up, un. The clock chimed over five times, yeah. Dei-Dei needs to learn how to count, Mummy, please wake up."

A woman knocked on the door. "Ms. Iwa, are you home?" she called. After a long moment, a small boy opened the door, looking up at the woman with a tear-stained face.

"Hello, un?" he said.

"Hello, little boy. Where is your mother? I need to talk to her about her overdue rent."

"I'm sorry, Mummy's sleeping."

"Sleeping?"

"Yeah, un. She has been sleeping a long time, un."

"How long?"

"Um. . . Dei-Dei went to sleep seven times, yeah. So a week?"

"May I come in?" the woman asked, trying not to let panic overcome her. The small boy led her into the cramped living room and then to an extremely small bedroom.

"Mummy's there," the boy whispered, "but I don't think she wants to be disturbed, un." The woman ignored the boy and stepped closer to the bed to see a pale, near decaying corpse. She screamed and leapt back, knocking Deidara down who promptly started screaming as well.

Deidara was sitting on the sagging, stained couch, listening to the two people talking. "I haven't found any records of Ms. Iwa outside of her contract with me. And there's no records of her son, Deidara," the woman was saying. The man, who the woman had run and got, sighed.

"I don't know what to do," he said. "And the kid? What's going to happen to him?"

"I don't know. But what about the corpse?"

"We'll call someone to take care of it, I'm sure it won't be a huge problem." Deidara got up and pressed his ear to the door. "I don't think anything good is going to happen to that boy. The authorities will probably kick him out of the country, at the least." Deidara gulped, sneaking away. He had to get out of here. Quickly, he stole over to the window and pulled it open, climbing out.

Ten year old Deidara was crawling on his hands and knees, shoving dropped crumbs into his mouth. He didn't notice the older teenager, with a band of kids behind him ranging from twelve to fifteen, come over to him. At least he did notice when the boy kicked him over. Deidara looked up at the orange haired boy and the blue haired girl who stood next to him. "Tie my shoe," the boy ordered, extending his grubby boot towards Deidara. Deidara got to his knees and looked at the matted laces that resembled worms more than anything else.

"I- I- I-" Deidara stuttered, staring at the boot. The boy raised an eyebrow. "I don't know how to!" he wailed, bursting into tears. The boy took a step back in shock, looking to the girl for instruction. She shrugged.

"Hey, kid, don't beat yourself up about it," he said, taking a step forward. Instantly, Deidara was on his feet and sent his fist into the very sensitive area between the other boy's legs. The boy doubled over as the rest of the group burst out laughing. Deidara just glared, not really knowing what else to do.

Pein wasn't exactly angry, of course he could beat the shit out of the kid without a second thought. But he showed some wit and a lack of general fear (common sense included, but that wasn't important). So he decided to take the kid on. "What's your name, kid?" he asked.

"Deidara, un," Deidara replied.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"I don't know."

"See him? That's Itachi. Go hang off him, and you'll live for at least a week. That's all I can promise." Deidara nodded, for it was the best promise he'd ever been given.

* * *

Deidara quickly memorized everyone in the group; there was Pein, the oldest in the group and the leader. Deidara hadn't learned how, but he had learned that Pein knew how to read. Konan was the closest thing anyone had ever had to a mother. Deidara sort of remembered his, but he also remembered the bruises she left and the ringing her yelling left in his ears. Konan didn't feed anyone but herself, kept to herself, and talked to no one. But if you didn't get any food for a day, Deidara learned she would allow you to crawl onto her lap and find the crusts of bread hidden in the folds of her rags. Then there was Itachi, who Deidara stuck closely to. He said nothing, didn't look at Deidara, and hoarded his food to himself. That brought in Orochimaru, who likewise stuck near Itachi, cooing over him and giving him food. Of course, Orochimaru never noticed Itachi's little follower Deidara, except when the blonde got in his way. In such a situation, Orochimaru would push him down and give him a kick. Then there was Kisame, a big blue kid who was overly optimistic and the second highest user of drugs, following Pein.

And then there was Kakuzu. Deidara never found out much about him in the early years, but he did notice Kakuzu would steal money rather than good, and buy food or drugs sensibly. That was the extent of Deidara's knowledge.

Lastly, there was Hidan. Of course, there seemed to always be Hidan. No matter if you loved him, or hated him, he would be there, speaking his mind and swearing. Kakuzu seemed the most annoyed with his behaviour, and would often tell him so. This resulted in numerous fights. But Hidan had taken an early affection torwards Deidara. He didn't exactly look out for the blonde, rather pushing him into the street when Deidara wasn't thinking, but if anyone else tried it he would have their hands. Hidan was ruthless, and even ignored their meager authority, Pein. Deidara, being no judge of character, decided that Hidan was all right.

* * *

Pein was lying languidly on the ground, lithe form stretched out in a mockery of comfort. Deidara slunk a little closer. Pein didn't move. Deidara finally squatted next to him. "Pein, un?" he asked. Pein opened a dangerous grey eye.

"What?" he drawled.

"Teach me to read, un," Deidara said. He had never learned to ask for things. Pein sat up, smirking lightly. He held up his cigarette box, and pointed to a single word.

"That says 'cigarette'," he said. Deidara nodded, concentrating as hard as he could. Pein stood up, and Deidara followed him to the hole in the wall. Pein pointed to a large red sign at the end of the street. "That says stop." Deidara nodded. "That's all you need to know." Deidara looked up at his superior.

"Really, un?"

"Look where you are, Dei. Reading isn't going to keep you warm or feed you." Deidara nodded. He understood.

* * *

"No, you just roll it up and light it, like a cigarette," Kisame sighed. "If you can't do it right you can just sit in that corner and let everyone else have a go." Deidara concentrated, and finally rolled it correctly. He looked up triumphantly at Kisame. "It's just like a cigarette. Go on, Dei, or else you won't get any more." Deidara nodded, expertly smoking it. Kisame grinned. The rest of the group was already in varying stages of hallucination or unconsciousness.

* * *

"Get down!" Pein hissed, grabbing whoever was nearest. Everyone else dropped to the ground as the torch light swung through the open window and across the far wall. Everyone held their breath.

"No, nothing's here. Must've been some animal," a deep voice growled.

"Yeah. Nothing could survive there," another agreed. Footsteps retreated, and a few wary heads lifted themselves off the floor to peer around.

"They're gone," Pein whispered, getting up and brushing himself off.

"What would happen if they found us, yeah?" Deidara chanced a question. Pein ignored him, and surprisingly, Kakuzu answered.

"They'd put us in prison for everything we've stolen."

"That's dumb, un."

"But they have nowhere else to put us. No one wants us, we don't have any family or history, and no one would want to take care of us. It's simply a logical solution." Deidara looked around, truly seeing the building for what is was. This was the only place he was welcome, and in this company would he only be accepted. Deidara was eleven.

"C-can't they just let us stay here, yeah?"

"Don't be stupid," Kakuzu admonished, cuffing Deidara over the ear. "We're petty thieves, they don't want us stealing."

"But if no one wants us. . ."

"You truly are stupid, aren't you? We're bad people, they don't want bad people even living!" Deidara backed off, knowing Kakuzu was angered easily. He retreated to a far off corner, where Itachi was being bothered by Orochimaru. Was he really unwanted? Would no one ever love him? Of course. He was being stupid again, and he'd better not say obvious things like that out loud, or else he'd be chastised for being dumb.

* * *

The years passed unpleasantly. They usually ate about once a day, if they were lucky. The summers were stifling. The winters were unbearable. The food was little or none, and when it was available it was disgusting. But it was life, and they all learned to deal with it.

* * *

A/N: A short chapter giving you a sense of where Deidara started. We'll find out a little more next chapter. Five reviews, please, or no next chapter!

-WhirledPeace


	3. Chapter 3

Things couldn't stay rosy forever. Pein was getting older, along with Konan. They couldn't keep up this childish running around forever. But as the eldest, they had no idea they were supposed to grow up. Pein would often look around, and realise he was looking more and more like the men who passed by; the men he feared. Konan found herself likewise looking at the women who sometimes passed by, and finding she too resembled them more now.

But one day, it was all going to change.

* * *

Deidara was huddled in a corner, poking at the ground. Kakuzu and Hidan were bickering about something. Itachi was nearby, staring off into space with Orochimaru behind him, talking about something unimportant. Pein and Kisame were discussing something over at the far end, looking worriedly at their dwindling stockpile of food for the winter. Konan had gone out to see what she could find to eat. "Itachi, look! I drew a picture of you!" Orochimaru said excitedly, pointing at the scribbles in the dirt. Itachi glanced down, then looked away uninterestedly. Orochimaru pouted. "Do you like it?" Itachi shook his head.

"It doesn't look a thing like me," he stated coolly. Orochimaru sighed.

"You're so mean."

"Does mine look like you, un?" Deidara asked. Itachi sighed, crawling over to peer down at the drawing in the dirt.

"That's pretty good," he said, giving rare praise. Deidara beamed.

"I like drawing explosions better, un," he said. Orochimaru stuck up his nose.

"Those are stupid," he said. Deidara glared at him.

"I wasn't asking you, yeah," he growled. "I think they're artistic!"

"And how would a brat like you know art?" Orochimaru retorted, thinking of who he considered a work of art. The fight would've escaladed if someone hadn't burst through the door and thrown themselves on the ground.

Pein leapt over to Konan, catching her as she fell into his arms. He quickly lay her down and bent over her. "What happened?" he asked. Konan's thin hand snaked out to grasp his shoulder tightly.

"A man," she coughed. "He- he- touched m-me-" Pein lay a finger on Konan's lips.

"Shh, say no more," he said soothingly. He lay her down and began to peel away her clothing. Kisame, Orochimaru, and Kakuzu looked over his shoulder, as the littler ones, Itachi, Deidara, and Hidan, waited quietly behind. Pein looked up from Konan's stricken form. "Take the little ones away from here," he commanded. Kakuzu turned to Deidara, Hidan, and Itachi, hearding them quickly to the upper story. The four of them huddled in a corner, Kakuzu with an air of resignation.

"What happened to Konan?" Hidan asked.

"A man raped her," Kakuzu replied. The three children's blank expressions prompted him further. "He had sex with her, against her will." Still blank expressions. Kakuzu sighed. "Look, you know women have different body parts between their legs, right?" he started. All three nodded, they had seen Konan bathing enough times to know that. "All right. Why do you think they do? It's because they can have babies. See, a man's penis gets hard when he wants to have sex. When that happens, he, if the woman is willing, inserts it into a hole in the woman's body between her legs that leads to her uterus, where a baby is made after a man ejaculates inside of her." Kakuzu looked at three completely shameless faces.

"So that's where babies come from, un?" Deidara asked. "A man. . . Does that, and a woman has a baby?"

"Yeah, basically."

"Oh. . ."

"But what if a man doesn't get hard around a girl?" Hidan persisted as if trying to find flaws in Kakuzu's little explanation.

"Then he doesn't have sex. Unless, of course, he gets hard around another man."

"Then what?"

"Then he is attracted to his fellow males. What did you expect, Hidan?"

"But how do they have sex?" Kakuzu groaned.

"Then they find some other way, like one man puts his penis up the other's ass or something. Why do you care?" Hidan remained silent, and Kakuzu only cared that he had shut up. Deidara and Itachi exchanged a glance, then shrugged, as if finding the information interesting but trivial.

* * *

It was a few hours later that they returned down the stairs to find Konan huddled in a corner, Pein sitting by her with an arm around her. Kisame and Orochimaru didn't really know what to do with themselves, and had settled silently for sitting against a wall next to each other. Konan's quiet sobs cut through the silence disturbingly. Orochimaru, however, upon seeing Itachi, leapt to his feet and scurried after the silent youth. No one said a word, nor made a noise. Kakuzu wandered off, Hidan and Deidara retreating to a separate corner, likewise silently. A thick air hung about them, clouding their thoughts and clasping their mouths shut.

* * *

Two weeks passed slowly. The seconds dragged by, minutes were painful, while hours were pure torture. No one dared say anything, not even when they went out to root through trash bins for food. Everything was in a fog.

And finally, after two, painful weeks, Konan broke the spell. "I need to go out for a while," she whispered, breaking herself from Pein. Pein nodded, not sure if he should speak or not. Konan stepped quickly from the building and went about her secret mission. Now without Konan to look after, Pein turned his sights to his troop. "Get up," he snapped. "We're going out for food. Come on, get your lazy arses up." Pein whipped them into shape, shepherding them from the building and into the alleys that lay scattered across the city.

Hours passed, as the little ones were uncharacteristically quiet. Kakuzu was always silent, but Kisame and Orochimaru weren't too quiet by nature either. Though they acted as usual, no one said a word. The only sounds were of the distant traffic and the sounds of their searching through the trash.

Though time passed painfully slow, they spent a few hours searching for food, and were uncharacteristically full when they went back to the warehouse. It was there they saw it.

Konan was lying on the ground, deathly pale. Her eyes were open and fogged over, glossy and unseeing. Her limbs lay at odd, uncomfortable angles, and beside her, a bottle of pills. Pein rushed over to her while the others hovered back. There was no way she could be sleeping. Pein checked her pulse, put his ear to her chest, and even tried making her breathe, none yielding results. And it was then Pein noticed the paper scrunched in her stiffening fist. Quickly, he pried her fingers away, and five pregnancy tests rolled to the floor. The note had two simple words: I'm pregnant.

Pein slouched, staring at Konan's body. Something was gone within him. Something akin to his soul has been snuffed out, like a fragile, helpless flame, at the mercy of a storm. Slowly, his eyes closed, and he slumped further, his own broken spirit lowering him to lie across Konan's body.

Kakuzu shooed everyone from the building, and they stood outside, looking around awkwardly, and saying nothing. After what seemed like hours, but were merely minutes, Pein came out as well. "We can't stay here," he said sadly. "Someone is going to have questions, and we don't have answers."

"What's going to happen to Konan?" Hidan asked. Pein glared at him, raising a hand and striking him across the face.

"She's dead. She's never coming back! She's dead. . ." Pein let his gaze fall, his voice becoming barely a whisper on the last sentence. Everyone was silent,e even Hidan didn't say a word about being hit. Finally, Pein pulled himself together. "We have to find somewhere else to live. Come on, let's go." Pein began walking and, after a nervous glance was exchanged between them, the others did as well.

* * *

The next building was in no better condition than the first. There was no more food than before, and it was no warmer. Everyone felt the thickness of the air, could taste the pong of sorrow, and saw with their own eyes the breaking of a powerful, independent, beautiful spirit.

It took Pein three weeks. People spoke, but in whispers to each other, and never to Pein. Pein sat in a corner, not saying anything to anyone, just mumbling to himself occasionally. They brought him food, and gave him the drugs he asked for (which they stole), but no one said a word to him. A heavy, thick cloud of depression covered them all, trapping them and suffocating them until they thought they'd burst. And, eventually, Pein did.

It was midmorning, and a thick fog was covering the ground. Pein has been up all night, mumbling and pondering. Finally, he rose to his feet, and ran out the door, faster than any of them had thought possible. Orochimaru ran after him, but in a few minutes wandered back, admitting he had lost him. The gang gathered together in the center of the building, all looking to Kakuzu for instruction. Kakuzu, utterly lost, looked around for a moment, before deciding they should go look for him. But they already knew where he was.

They wandered about, calling his name softly to the gathering dark. His name bounced off the crumbling alley walls, reverberating off trash bin lids, and falling on the ears of the scavenging dogs. But they knew where they would get an answer, or lack thereof.

Soon, after hours of stalling, they came to their original building. Without thinking of the younger ones, they all walked in and came upon the disgustingly familiar sight of Konan's dead body. But there was something knew. On top of her, his blood still drying, was Pein, a knife embedded in his chest, and wrists slit, along with his neck. No one dared move. It was too horrid. It was too peaceful to move the bodies, either. They were too perfect. Kakuzu turned from the scene and herded everyone out. They couldn't be touched; those bodies mustn't be touched. They had to stay together.

When they first returned, the three older boys sat in the middle, discussing who should be leader. Hidan, Itachi, and Deidara all went over to a corner, and Deidara began drawing in the dirt. After a few minutes, Hidan tottered over to Deidara. "What are you drawing?" he asked.

"An explosion, un."

"Why?"

"Because that's what I wish would happen, un. This silence is driving me mad, yeah."

* * *

"Itachi, I need to tell you something," Orochimaru said. A month had passed since the deaths of their leaders, and they had gradually began speaking again. But things had never had their slightly happy, family feel like before.

"What?" Itachi asked, voice dead. Orochimaru crawled over to him.

"I- I have feelings I can't explain," he said slowly. "I think- I think I might love you. I'm always calm around you, and always happy, no matter what. I need you. I need to be near you. Please tell me you feel the same way." Orochimaru's eyes were pleading, begging Itachi to lie if he had to. Itachi stared coldly at him.

"I do not feel the same way," he said bluntly. Orochimaru whimpered, as if his heart was breaking. "Isn't that enough?" Orochimaru bowed his head and crawled back over to his corner, separating himself from Itachi for one of the first times since Konan's death. Itachi didn't seem to notice, and went back to staring at the wall. Deidara wiggled a little closer to him.

"You don't love Orochimaru, hmm?" he asked softly. Itachi rolled his eyes.

"A person like that is only after my body. It's best to just cut it off at the throat." Deidara looked over at Orochimaru, sad and dejected in his corner, and wondered that if he truly were just after a warm body, would he honestly be that sad? The silence descended. Slowly, Deidara began the familiar outlines of an explosion.

* * *

The next day was too reminiscent of the time after Konan had been raped. Kisame, despising this, stood up and stretched. "We should go get some food. Come on, everyone," he said, looking around. They all stood as well, looking around to make sure they left no one behind, remembering the last time that happened.

They all shuffled into the alley and began the familiar task of rooting through the trash. Hidan found a banana peel and flung it on Kakuzu, incurring his anger and ending up with a bin lid on his head. Deidara had giggled, and even Itachi had let a small smile creep over his face. It was almost like before. Almost.

After a few hours, they realized Orochimaru was gone. They all looked at each other, and everyone knew what had happened. With a sense of foreboding, they went back to their building, the second one, and found what they had both dreaded and known they would find.

Orochimaru was dead. After a quick inspection, Kakuzu and Kisame proclaimed it to be an overdose. "What's that, un?" Deidara asked. Kisame turned around and punched him in the face, sending him flying into a corner.

"It means he took too many drugs, stupid! And he did it on purpose!" Kisame loomed over Deidara's stricken form. He pulled his arm back to deliver another punch, but Kakuzu grabbed it. Silently, he shook his head. Making a noise somewhere between a growl and a groan, Kisame wrenched his arm free and punched a hole in the wall, breathing hard. "They're gone," he muttered. "All three of them. Just- gone." Deidara slunk away, spitting the blood from his mouth discreetly into a corner. He should've learned long ago not to ask stupid questions.

* * *

Itachi lay in a corner, staring at the ceiling. Deidara crept up to him, not saying a word. "It's my fault, you know," Itachi whispered, almost inaudibly. Deidara squatted, completely still, eyes barely even moving as he waited for Itachi to continue. Itachi's chest barely moved. "He loved me. I told him… a lie. He's dead because of that." The dreaded silence fell, neither of the boys moving. They stayed like that for minutes, before Itachi sighed and turned over on his side, facing the wall and putting his back to Deidara. "But what's done is done. We can't undo the past." Deidara stayed absolutely silent, but tears rolled down his cheeks. They were gone, and nothing could remedy that. His leader, and the closest thing he had ever had to a mother, and the one person who kept things interesting around there were all gone. Just- gone.

* * *

A year passed. They eventually pulled themselves out of their misery enough to find a leader. Between Kakuzu and Kisane, it obviously should be Kakuzu, for he was more responsible and organized out of any of them. Kakuzu was more uptight and organized than Pein had been, and made things more structured. There would be shifts of guarding the building and finding food, and every day they would switch off. Kakuzu and Kisame being the two adults, they were each in charge of a group. Kisame had Itachi, and Kakuzu, being more able to handle them, had Deidara and Hidan. During the day, one group would stay at their new building, while the other group would go out looking for food. They would meet at noon, and then again once dark fell. The year was slow, but not nearly as slow as times before. Sometimes they were able to laugh and joke, and talk freely. But three taboo names were never mentioned.

* * *

Kakuzu looked up at the sky, watching the sun set slowly. He turned to Deidara and Hidan. "Have you two found much?" he asked. They nodded, holding their hands forward to show their leader all they had collected. He nodded. "Let's head back. They're probably hungry." The two boys nodded and followed him back to their third building. Once they opened the door, they knew something was wrong.

What tipped them off? First off, Kisame was dead on the ground, a bullet through his head and blood still pooling around him. Two men in black suites were holding Itachi down, looming threateningly over him.

"We know you have something to do with those bodies," one man was saying, "and we're not going to stop at anything until we know what you know." One of the men, the one who hadn't spoken, turned and saw the three newcomers. Growling, he tapped the other man and gestured to Kakuzu, Deidara, and Hidan. Kakuzu, thinking quickly, shoved Deidara and Hidan behind himself and took a defensive stance. The men laughed, and Deidara glanced around Kakuzu's shielding body. Why wasn't Itachi getting up? All that blood, and he couldn't even get up. He noticed the blood on the men's hands, and anger boiled in him. How dare those men have the blood of his friends on their hands? "Look, a little darkie trying to protect a couple of no good tramps," one of the men said. Kakuz glared and said nothing. He knew they had to get out of there and away from those men. Without warning, one of the men jumped Kakuzu, tackling him to the ground. Kakuzu fought back viciously, scratching at the man's face and landing a few good punches to his gut. But the man was larger, and it seemed a lost cause.

The second man grinned and pulled his gun, pointing it at Hidan and Deidara. They stood completely still, clinging to each other. Itachi groaned and rolled over. The man with the gun turned, training the gun on him instead. Hidan darted forward, but by the time he tangled himself in the man's legs, the man had already fired. That bullet didn't miss its mark. Itachi twitched, then lay still.

Hidan had knocked the man over when he grabbed his legs, and they were now dangerously engaged in a fight. Deidara stood paralyzed, trying to decide who to help. With a small leap, he finally launched himself onto the man with the gun's back, biting and clawing. Growling, the man pulled his gun. Hidan struggled, the man loosing control, and in a small tussle, the gun went off. The man gave a shudder, then fell still, trapping Hidan under his lifeless body. Deidara got off and stared for a moment, but there wasn't time to think. Groaning, Deidara attempted to free Hidan, and with the other boy's help he was soon free. Then they both turned to Kakuzu and the other man. Kakuzu had been holding his own, until the man had pulled a knife. Now it was all Kakuzu could do to dodge the evil blade.

The man saw he was winning and tackled Kakuzu to the ground. With a war cry, Hidan and Deidara leapt on the man. They all fell to the floor, punching, writing, kicking, screaming, and not knowing what was going on. They rolled about for a minute or so, until it all stopped.

Kakuzu, panting, looked down at the body below him. The man lay still, blood trickling from his mouth, the knife embedded just between his ribs and abdomen. Everyone was covered in everyone's blood. The floor was soaked with it. No one was clean that night.

Kakuzu lay back, controlling his breathing and looking up at the ceiling. Hidan squatted, hiding his head between his knees with tears streaming down his cheeks. Deidara, who had been on his back, rolled over and was promptly sick. They stayed still, as still as the bodies around them, for a minute more. Finally, Kakuzu stood up and grabbed the two younger boys, dragging them to the back of the building.

"Stay here," he whispered. "Don't let anyone see you." Hidan and Deidara nodded, both crying and shaking like leaves in a wind. Kakuzu returned moments late with a hose through the broken window. "Strip," he ordered. Hidan and Deidara both slipped out of their clothes, and Kakuzu began to hose them off, cleaning the blood from their skin. He then cleaned their clothes, so they wouldn't look suspicious. He then stripped himself and gave his skin and clothes the same treatment. Deidara was sick again, but he hadn't eaten enough to puke it back up. "They'll be looking for us," Kakuzu said, voice quavering slightly. "We can't stay here. We just have to leave… them…" He looked sadly down at Kisame and Itachi's stricken forms. "Come on. We can't stay here." Kakuzu was convincing himself as much as the two other boys. With a sigh, he turned to the back door, and began to leave. With a glance at each other, Hidan and Deidara followed him.

Since then they had resided at 834 Height Street. No matter how many times they bathed with a hose, they could never truly clean themselves.

* * *

A/N: I warned you, this story is sad. Terrible things happen. Review please!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Well, WhirledPeace, you've taken your sweet time updating. I'll bet you lose your entire fanbase. And then you dish out crap that doesn't break 2.000 words, and it's mainly things you write while PMSing and it's so utterly pathetic and overused it makes me want to kill something cute and furry.

WP: *sniff* Shut up ok?! I did my best! But i needed one more chapter before... shit happens... and such... so don't hate me for not updating, I've been busy! (Vindicated. Read it, it's pretty good!) So here ya go!

* * *

Deidara awoke alone, cold, hungry, and in pain. He groaned, rolling over. He screamed, having come face to face with Kakuzu. Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "We got you some food," he said, pushing a few crusts of bread towards Deidara. The blonde ravenously dug into the feast, not caring it would take his stomach acid to properly break down the tough substance. "Slow down. Do you want to puke it back up?"

"I'll be sick from the pain in an hour or so anyway, un," Deidara mumbled, chewing fiercely. Kakuzu sighed, knowing Deidara was right. He was too tired to hit the blonde as well, and just sat back. "Where's Hidan, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Out." Deidara said nothing. He chewed slowly now, mulling over his situation. His suicidal moment had passed, but he wasn't sure he was glad he hadn't succeeded.

"What-" Deidara coughed. "What are we going to do now, un?" Kakuzu glared at him.

"We focus on living another day," he replied. "What did you expect?"

"Nothing. You've already gone beyond my expectations, un." Deidara lurched to his feet. "I'm going to take a shower, want to help me, un?" Kakuzu grunted.

"Only because I don't want you stinking," he replied. Deidara struggled over to the window where a hose was flopped over the window sill. He tried his hardest to get his shirt off, but Kakuzu had to come to his rescue, carefully removing the garment. "Do you need help with your pants too?" he asked. Deidara sighed and nodded, his head hanging in shame. Kakuzu's strong hands hooked under the hem of his pants, pulling them down. "You're bruised pretty badly. Is anything broken?" Deidara shook his head, still not saying anything. Kakuzu went outside for a moment, and soon water began pouring out of the hose. Deidara picked it up with his good arm and started cleaning himself, the cold water waking him up and making him feel more alert. Once he was sufficiently clean, Kakuzu handed him a rag that had most definitely seen better days. Deidara dried himself off and soon he was being helped back into his clothes.

The door to the building creaked open. Kakuzu grabbed Deidara and pulled him behind a pile of old machinery, crushing them into an awkward and uncomfortable position. "Oi, fuckers, just me," Hidan called. Kakuzu and Deidara relaxed, coming out from their hiding place.

"What did you find?" Kakuzu demanded. Hidan shrugged.

"Nothing. We don't exactly have to eat today." They all looked at each other, and they knew they probably wouldn't eat tomorrow. Deidara huffed and leapt to his feet, storming from the building.

"Where are you going?" Hidan called.

"To find something to eat, yeah!" Deidara grumbled back. Hidan rolled his eyes and turned back to Kakuzu.

"The brat's going to get himself killed, no?"

"I doubt it," Kakuzu sighed. "He's too young to die." Behind that statement lay a simple fact: Kakuzu was rapidly approaching adulthood. Hidan huffed.

"So? I don't know anyone who hasn't died young." Hidan sighed. "Besides, he's going at it all wrong. Best to kill yourself fast and surely."

* * *

Deidara sighed, kicking a can out of his path. He dipped quickly into the bin, and after a moment of fruitless searching, he retreated. After repeating this method on several other bins, he gave up, sitting down and leaning against the wall. He had no right to be alive. He should have died long ago, long before yesterday. Where was his right to be clinging to life so fiercely? Deidara felt an overwhelming sense of confusion, depression, and desperation. Death was not what he had wanted yesterday, it was an escape. And now, the key to his escape was written in a language he could not understand, on a piece of paper that was likely worth more than his life, sitting comfortably in his pocket.

Release was what he craved. A release from this hunger, this silence, this living on the edge of insanity. Jerking to his feet, Deidara ran. Buildings blurred, with his tears of his speed he could not tell. The world was in a haze, the only solid or sure thing being the ground beneath his feet. Direction was nothing, time was of no concern. If he didn't move, didn't fight, he was sure to go mad.

True to his predictions, Deidara was sick in a bin from the pain. Moaning, with sick trickling wetly from the corners of his mouth, Deidara sank to the ground, banging his head against a brick wall. Why? Why was he so intent on living? He should be dead, yes, but why stave of starvation to starve another day? What was the point?

* * *

"What do you mean?" Kakuzu asked suspiciously.

"I mean, some ways are better than others. If you really want to die, do it quickly and a way that can't be reversed." Kakuzu sighed.

"Not all methods are available to people like us."

"I don't know. But you get what I'm saying, right?" Kakuzu sighed.

"Like you would not believe." They looked at each other intensely. "Are you going to kill yourself?" Kakuzu asked.

"No. I still have a few things I want to do."

"Want to do? To be honest, I don't even see the point in living another day." They were standing and facing each other now, Hidan with his arms crossed over his chest, Kakuzu's by his side and twitching, as if itching to strangle the former. Hidan rolled his eyes, sticking out his tongue.

"Can't we all just be blessed? I've still never kissed anybody. That should be something to look forward to, right?" Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"Is that your purpose for living, then?" Hidan smirked.

"Perhaps it is. What's it to you?" Kakuzu wrinkled his nose in frustration.

"Forget it," he muttered, turning his back to the silver-haired teen. Hidan laughed.

"You're so stiff, Kakuzu," he said. Kakuzu said nothing. It was cruel to ruin a child's delusional happiness. "But you wanna know the real reason I get up in the morning?" Kakuzu turned back to face him.

"Why?" he grunted.

"You." Kakuzu opened his mouth to say something. It was likely a scoff or a snort, or a question of surprise. But he never did a thing before Hidan's simple interjection "Hear me out, all right?" Kakuzu closed his mouth and crossed his arms over his chest. Now Hidan uncrossed his arms, letting them fall to his sides. "You're always so secure, you always have the answers. You never get too depressed or too worked up. When you're angry you're adorable, when you worry you're just a sweetie-pie. You always sacrifice your comfort for ours, you never think too much about yourself. You're like my rock, man." Kakuzu stared, a light blush tinting his cheeks. How was he to explain that he had only ever worried because of Hidan? Could he possibly say how he had tried so hard to give answers and be there because he thought he'd die without Hidan? He had always wanted to tell Hidan he sacrificed to make the silver-haired teen happy, because another's happiness could fill you more than a meal, but how was he to phrase it?

There, Hidan could see it in Kakuzu's eyes. He knew. They both moved at the same time, neither faster, neither covering more space, than the other. Their lips came together tentatively, a simple skin against skin contact that was more meaning than touching. They then drew back and looked at each other. Neither knew what to call this feeling, neither had ever been told about love, merely sex. Neither had bothered to think about it for very long. All they knew was that they were there, and they were together. Again they kissed, this time holding each other. Hidan's arms cautiously wrapped around Kakuzu's shoulders, and the older lightly set his own hands upon Hidan's waist. Their lips parted, and their tongues touched like strangers' hands.

* * *

Deidara looked up at the clouds, imploring the clouds with every fiber of his soul to pour their load and cleanse him. Nothing seemed real anymore. The buildings around him seemed fake, as if they were merely a hoax. He needed, more than food, to know what was real and what was worth fighting and living for. Standing, Deidara spread his arms, ignoring the pain, and awaited the rain. A few light, feathery drops ghosted his skin, before the heavy, stinging, grotesquely cold drops began pelting him. It made him ache inside and out as he was assaulted by water, becoming drenched so that his tears mingled with the tears of the gods.

* * *

Deidara knew he would get sick and die if he did not find shelter from his rain. Like a vision, Deidara ghosted into the shelter of an overhang, water dripping off his nose and chin and seeping steadily into his skin. But he was like a sponge already filled, he had no more room for rain or sadness. Like the clouds above, he simply could not hold on to his burden much longer.

Slowly, Deidara turned in the direction of Height street. He knew the way by heart, and his feet bore him without mush conscious consent. His mind dawdled between sanity and madness, in a numb state akin to shock and close to denial. The streets and shops of the town passed without his notice. He only needed to know where to turn, anything else was unneeded. Willing or not, sane or not, happy or not, Deidara found himself before a familiar, rundown building. The injuries he had obtained in yesterday's accident were beginning to throb and ache, his head was feeling foggy and dull, and his body threatened to give way. All Deidara wanted was a simple place to lay his head. But as soon as he entered the building, he knew he would not achieve his goal of rest tonight, nor perhaps the rest of his life, however long that would be.


	5. Chapter 5

Neither knew exactly what to do, it was mostly just blind flailing into the dark, mysterious world of sex and love. They both knew they were inexperienced, but in the moment, neither cared. They ended up on the floor, kissing passionately, bodies writhing against each other. Hidan squirmed uncomfortably, while Kakuzu kissed every inch of his exposed neck and face. Hidan, enjoying having Kakuzu's attention, merely lay there, letting Kakuzu lavish his affection on him. They both remembered the explanation Kakuzu had twittered off so long ago about sex between men, and Hidan was anxious and excited, knowing this was special.

Kakuzu slowly slid his hands up Hidan's shirt, kissing his neck. Hidan lifted his arms, and the shirt was slipped off, exposing his pale chest. Kakuzu's mouth descended, kissing along his chest and toying with his nipples. Hidan arched up slightly, anticipation fluttering in his stomach. Kakuzu understood this, slowly caressing the younger's sides, lightly tracing his fingers against the skin. He would go slow for the sake of his young love.

Skin caressed skin, slowly moving against each other, savoring yet causing such sweet friction in oh so sensitive areas. Kakuzu kissed every inch of Hidan's skin, from collar bone to hips, from shoulder to abdomen. He wanted to preserve this all, this swelling, satisfied feeling in his stomach, the breathless feeling in his chest, the sheer heat he felt all over, everything.

Kakuzu kissed lower and lower upon Hidan's feverish flesh, to that certain swelling portion of his body that was so special and made butterflies flutter in his stomach. Hidan writhed and wriggled under Kakuzu's attention, panting and gasping as every touch set him on fire. Kakuzu kissed him truly everywhere, so intimately, so lovingly, that they both felt fit to burst with the welled up emotion that may be embodied in a single three fateful words.

With spit as lubrication their bodies slid together at the pinnacle of heat and passion. Hidan's heat and love surrounded Kakuzu's most private and intimate parts, mimicking the way Kakuzu had always been around him, taking care of him. Their moving bodies caused such fiery contact, their breaths, ragged and harsh, mingling together in the little space between their faces, ardent lips clasping desperately at each other, that they easily climbed to the height of sexual satisfaction and climaxed together, in beautiful unison.

There were too few, yet too many, words to describe the feeling of knowing your love was returned, and knowing your own love stood firm on such a foundation as another solid human being. Flushed faces, panting breaths, and simple touches were enough to convey such happiness and loving affection, that words seemed unnecessary in such a moment as this, such a beautiful, ethereal moment as this.

It was a shame they had their brains blown out.

Five minutes after their sexual gratification, five glorious minutes of holding each other, of no need, no rush, just their slowly relaxing bodies against each other, of simple closeness and intimacy. And then Kakuzu raised himself up on his elbows, looking down with all the love and affection he felt for Hidan. "I lo-" he started, but suddenly an earsplitting bang sounded, his eyes widened, and he slumped forward. Hidan, terrified, scrambled out from under Kakuzu's still warm body as brains and blood flowed out onto him. Two men in black suites stood before him, one holding the smoking gun.

"I have to admit, that little darkie was getting on my nerves," one said. Hidan's lips stammered helplessly like wet fish, unable to move or think.

"Maybe this one has the answers we need," the other one said. Hidan, in the fear of a cornered animal, launched himself at the man with the gun, biting, scratching, and screaming. The man cried out in alarm and fell back. But he still had a loaded gun, and within seconds Hidan had a bullet through his skull. The man kicked the corpse aside, letting it land three feet from its mate.

"Kind of sick, isn't it," said the first. "Kind of one of those situations you swear you'd never be caught dead doing…" They both laughed at that.

"Better than what happened to the other two," said the one with the gun.

"It wasn't that hard; just catch then unawares." The looked at each other and nodded, turning their backs on the gruesome scene and leaving, talking about light subjects such as that dinner party that was being thrown next Tuesday.

That was how Deidara found them, naked, bloody, cold, and brains blown everywhere.

* * *

Deidara held himself under the overhang of a building, desperately holding his sanity together. He couldn't take it. Not this loneliness coldly sinking into him with the rain. He couldn't take it. He was shaking now, shivering too terribly for the cold, and his anxious, nervous energy made him not stop moving, from looking around constantly, to scratching at his legs and arms, to rocking back and forth on his heels. His body was giving out, he was shivering, unable to fight the cold. But he wanted it to take him, he knew once he got too cold it would all just be cold and dark and silent. Silent. What he dreaded. Silence was the only thing that could stir any emotion in him at this point. Slowly, he stopped his incessant moving and sat back against the wall, closing his eyes, trying to calm himself. He had to think. What could he do? He was all alone now in this big, empty, cold, dark world, without a friend. Death seemed the best place he could go. Death… slowly, he reached into his pocket and drew out a piece of paper.

****

348 TOP LANE

Deidara stared at the lines. They didn't make sense. He couldn't read. A wave of despair washed over him, drowning all of the energy he had left. He had to think clearly, before he just blacked out and didn't wake up again. Looking around, he caught sight of a red sign. In his delusion, near state of panic, he stared at it for longer than was necessary. Stop. He read it clearly. That squiggle meant the sound 's'. That cross was a 't' sound. The circle must mean 'o'. that one made sense. And the last one, that strange symbol, must mean 'p'. That made sense. It must be the way you read. Stop. Deidara looked back at the paper. T. O. P. Top. That must be it.

Gladdened by his success, he then went to the strange symbols before 'top'. They looked like the ones on the front of the building he had lived in. Numbers. They had to be numbers. But he couldn't go back. He couldn't. There was nothing in Heaven or beyond that could make him go back there. Then an idea occurred to him. He only had to find a street sign with the word TOP on it, and then match the numbers.

* * *

He had spent hours upon hours searching and looking, hopes dashed with every sign that didn't match. Deidara had no clue where he was, nor where his next meal was going to be, nor where he even lost the remnants of his last meal. The dark clutched at him, the rain tore at him, and he was not acquainted with the spark of hope that kept him going. Perhaps it was that kindly sparkle, or that smile, that kept him stumbling on, bending over occasionally to dry heave over the pavement. He felt sick and cold all over, yet overheated and dizzy. Delirium set in later on, and he continued in a haze, vision blurring, hearing fogging over as if his ears were filled with soft cotton. The wet ground welcomed him, but even in his ludicrous state, he knew if he fell he would never rise. He stumbled and tripped, but somehow caught himself on buildings and continued on, despite his sore, bleeding feet and hands.

It was towards dawn that he finally matched the street and the numbers. He had asked directions only once, from an enthusiastic young man with black hair, and had merely throwing himself in the direction he had been pointed, hoping he might find some glimmer of hope that he was going the right way.

Ragged and completely exhausted, bleeding and dripping, looking like something that Hell had spit back up, he dragged himself to the perfectly painted door. With all the strength he could muster, he knocked on the door. After a long moment, it was opened by the redheaded young man. Deidara fell into his arms and fainted.

* * *

Deidara awoke to a soft feeling all around him. 'I'm finally dead!' he thought triumphantly. 'Only if I were dead could I possibly feel this good.' He was soft, and warm, and dry. These three things alone made him utterly convinced he was dead. But then he was forced to open his eyes and see for himself that he was, in fact, alive. He was in a bed, in a nice room, with clean clothes and covers. Beside the bed was a recently erected cot. Lamely, he let his head fall to the side, not bothering to lift it up. The door opened and a redheaded young man came in, closing it after him.

"Ah, you're up," he said, though Deidara gave few signs of life. "Deidara, wasn't it?" Deidara didn't move. "You're seventeen, correct?" Deidara said nothing. "Hm. Are you hungry?" Deidara did nothing. "Thirsty?" Still nothing. "Well, I know you're listening, so just keep doing what you're doing and you'll be fine." Sasori sat down on the edge of the bed. "You know, I've been to death and back again." He paused for Deidara to do something. Nothing. "You want to know what it's like? It's completely silent. Deafeningly so. And cold. And dark. The only senses you have are touch and hearing, but there's nothing to touch, and nothing to hear. Scary, isn't it?" Silence. "You know what I'm trying to tell you, right? That no matter what this world can throw at you, it's not as bad as what comes next." Deidara opened his eyes and looked into Sasori's own.

"I still want to die, un," he said in a monotone.

"Then why did you come here?" Sasori asked. Deidara said nothing. "I don't know much about you, Deidara, but I'd like to. How can I get to know you if you die?"

"You can die too, un," Deidara mumbled.

"What could possibly make you want to kill yourself?"

"What would make me not want to?" Deidara cried. They stared at each other for a long moment.

"You're here. That's something. Tell me what makes you want to die." And there, Deidara sobbed out his life story. He told of his mother and her death, how he ran away, how he was found, and how everyone and everything left. When he finished he was sobbing into Sasori's chest, and Sasori had his arms around him and was holding him, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"And- and- I didn't know what to do, un. I'm sorry I came here, un."

"Don't be," Sasori said, kissing him on the top of the head. "I can help. I have a friend who'll be able to tell us information, and we'll figure out what's going on. Here, dry your eyes. I'll get you some food. Just wait here for a moment." Sasori detached himself from Deidara and went into the kitchen, grabbing the soup he had already made and bringing it into the bedroom. Deidara downed it, and was sick. Sasori patiently went back and made more soup. Deidara ate this more slowly, and managed to keep it down. Sasori then helped him out of his bed and got him some clothes. Once he was dressed, Sasori cleaned off his face with a warm cloth and looked him over. "There. Can you walk?" Deidara nodded. Sasori ruffled his hair. "You're a tough little kid," he said. "I have a friend who may know something about what's happened to you. I'll call him, but maybe later. Here, can you walk around the house with me? I just want to make sure you're all right." Sasori offered his arm, and Deidara accepted it and was helped all around the house. Sasori pointed out the many bedrooms, the sun room, the living room, the bathrooms, the dining room, the kitchen, the pantry, the attic, the basement, and finally his own room. This was the room Deidara had woken up in.

"…there's an attached bathroom, if you'd like to take a shower." Deidara stared in confusion at Sasori. "Here, I'll help you, all right?" Sasori led Deidara into the bathroom, letting him take a look around. "Now you get undressed." Sasori watched as Deidara unashamedly stripped his clothes off. He too took of his clothes, and they stood naked, looking at each other. Sasori then turned on the shower, waiting a moment, and then stepping back.

"Here, get in," he said. Deidara nodded and stepped under the stream of water. Sasori stepped in with him, their naked bodies touching. Deidara didn't think any of it. Sasori smirked down at him. "You don't mind being naked with another man?" he asked. Deidara looked up innocently.

"No, should I?"

"Just seems rather sexual."

"I see, un." Deidara looked up, and Sasori could see he didn't.

"Here, you know about sex and stuff, right?" Deidara nodded. "And you know it's also not exactly boy and girl stuff, right?" Deidara nodded. Sasori paused. "So…"

"But being naked… I don't know, I guess I'm not used to privacy, yeah."

"Would you feel violated if I kissed you?" Sasori asked. Deidara looked at him with shining eyes.

"No."

"How would you feel?"

"I don't know, you haven't done it yet, un." And so they kissed. And Deidara liked it.

* * *

After their shower, Sasori toweled Deidara off and put him back to bed where he commanded him to stay for the rest of the day. Deidara sat there and tried to understand what was going on. He hadn't minded the kisses Sasori had given him in the shower, nor the tender touches and fond embraces. But it was all so new. Intimacy was something he was unaccustomed to. It felt nice, and he'd like to live long enough to feel more of it.

* * *

Deidara had contracted a small, mild cold. Sasori fed him soup, and kept him in bed for the next day. Deidara insisted he was fine, but Sasori insisted more fervently and, with a little persistence, won out. Though Deidara sulked for a bit of it, Sasori entertained him with stories. Eventually the day drew to a close, and Sasori made his way to the cot.

"You're going to sleep there?" Deidara asked. Sasori nodded.

"Where did you think I was going to sleep?"

"I don't know…"

"You're sick. Once you get better, I'll sleep wherever you like." Deidara nodded. Sasori turned off the light and snuggled under his covers.

"Sasori-san?"

"Hm?"

"When are we going to see your friend?"

"Soon. I'll need to see what's going on with him."

"I see, un."

"Don't worry. You're safe now, and I'll take care of you."

"You promise, yeah?"

"I promise."

* * *

The next day Deidara no longer had a fever, and wasn't subject to vertigo when he stood up. Sasori seemed satisfied, and fed him some bread and jam. This stayed down, so he made him a sandwich. Deidara kept that down, along with a glass of milk, but said he felt like it was too much, so Sasori backed off. "Where's that old woman who was with you last time, un?" Deidara asked as they sat in Sasori's room.

"My grandmother?"

"Yeah."

"She's on vacation." Deidara looked blank. "She went somewhere else to relax for a few weeks." Deidara nodded. There was a long pause, before Sasori said, seriously, "Deidara, I'm going to have to ask you a few questions about what you've told me. I know it may be hard, and some of the questions may be embarrassing, but it's best to be said now, all right?" Deidara nodded. Sasori went over to his dresser and got a notebook and pen, before sitting down beside Deidara on the bed. "What were your friends' names?" Deidara listed them. "And Konan was the only woman?" Deidara nodded.

"Well, girl, mostly," he said.

"And they were all shot?"

"No, un. Konan killed herself with pills…" Deidara paused, realizing it was the first time in so many years he had even spoken her name. Sasori nodded for him to continue. Deidara then went through all the ways his family- for that was what he had come to regard them as- died. At times he cried and choked on his words, and Sasori had to hold him and wait for him to recover before they continued. Eventually, Sasori had all the details down on paper. Sasori sat back and smiled at Deidara.

"Do you feel better?" he asked. Deidara shook his head. Sasori put an arm around him and held him close. "It will, Dei-chan, it will," he assured. "It'll help to talk about it." Deidara nodded. "Would you like anything to eat?" Deidara shook his head. "What do you want?"

"Can we… just sit here a moment, un?" Sasori kissed the top of his head.

"Of course."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Yes, I'm not dead! I know some of you had your doubts. My family got a new kid, and I got a girlfriend, so I've been busy. But here it is, the next chapter! Remember, SADNESS! I'm not even joking. Enjoy!

-WhirledPeace

* * *

Another day passed before Sasori consented to seeing his friend. He dressed Deidara in jeans and a casual button up shirt, and himself similarly. After giving Deidara one more look over, nodded, and led him out of the house. They caught a bus and took it across the city. As Deidara watched out the window, the buildings grew grungier and more broken down, and shadier characters kept getting on. Finally, at a stop that looked to be in one of the worst parts of town, Sasori stood up and led Deidara off of the bus and out into the city.

They walked two blocks down, before they came to a dirty shop, that looked to sell plants from what could be distinguished through the grimy windows. Sasori walked in and Deidara followed, finding himself surrounded by creepy, moving plants, which covered the shelves lining the small, sunken little room. A young man stood, bored, at the counter, but he brightened once he saw the redhead.

"Sasori-sama! I'm so glad to see you!" The man rushed over, and Deidara furrowed his brow.

"Hey, the other night I asked you-" he started.

"Oh yes, I remember you! Deidara, wasn't it?"

"I didn't tell you my name, yeah." The man paused, then turned to Sasori.

"I presume you're here for…?"

"Yes."

"It's about time. I've been getting worried. I hate it when he has these plans and no one ever shows up! It's like he's killing people or something!"

"Tobi, be quiet," Sasori said slowly. "Where is he?"

"He's up in his room, leaving me here all alone with these… _things_." Tobi shuddered, looking around. Sasori left Tobi and went up a rickety staircase to the second floor. Deidara looked around, and his eyes landed on Tobi's smiling face. "You'd better get going," he said. Deidara, scared, ran up the stairs after Sasori, who was standing on a small landing in front of a door.

"It seems you're acquainted with his little boy toy, Tobi," Sasori noted quietly.

"He told me the way to your house last night, un," Deidara mumbled.

"All right. Prepare yourself for anything." Sasori opened the door without knocking. There was a rather large bedroom with a sinking ceiling and dirty, stained walls. At one end was a desk and a large mirror, and in another corner was a bed. Over in the opposite corner, to their left, stood a very strange man.

He was of average height, medium weight, perhaps slightly thinner than other people. His hair was a tasteful green, his eyes yellow, and skin that was black on one side and white on the other. In his leering, fanged mouth he held a long cigarette. He wore a loose pair of dark blue pants, no shoes, and no shirt but a loose black cloak flung over his shoulders.

"Ever hear of knocking?" the man asked.

"Yes, Zetsu," Sasori replied. Zetsu, the man, walked gracefully over to the pair, surveying them and blowing smoke in Deidara's face.

"What do you want?" he asked, removing the cigarette with his left hand to blow out another thin stream of smoke.

"I need to ask you some questions."

"Don't make it sound like I can't refuse." Sasori licked his lips.

"Does the name Pein ring a bell?" Zetsu frowned sulkily.

"Oh, believe me," he muttered. "Pein? P-E-I-N?"

"Yes."

"Of course."

"What can you tell me about him?"

"Not much, other than what you've heard already."

"I know you know something."

"He killed himself because his bitch was raped and killed herself," Zetsu said, shrugging. "Rather boring, if you ask me."

"And what do you know about what happened to Konan?"

"Pregnant against her will, and saw no way of not giving birth asides from killing herself and taking the baby with her."

"What do you know about Orochimaru?"

"Loose cannon, utterly insane, not much more. Quite a mistake, really. He was just one big accident, and so was his death."

"I see. Kisame?"

"What about him?"

"What happened?"

"Got a bullet through the head. Someone let slip about finding bodies, so our enemies went off to where they thought the culprits were. They were ready to kill for their answers, Kisame tried to protect some other little one, and died for it." Zetsu blew out more smoke.

"How about Itachi?"

"Gave them attitude. Got shot because they got frustrated. Luckily, three others showed up and disposed of our enemies." Deidara was shaking and shivering now, desperately grasping Sasori's hand. He didn't know how much more of this he could take.

"So someone let slip they were on your side so that your enemies would kill them, is that what you're saying?" Zetsu shrugged.

"Could be. Depends on how good your hearing is." Sasori licked his lips.

"Lastly, Kakuzu and Hidan?" Zetsu laughed loudly, smoke falling from his mouth.

"Caught having sex and got shot in the head. Quite an embarrassing position. The little one, Hidan, tried to hit one of them, and got shot as well. All very amusing, if you ask me. Which you did, of course." Zetsu chuckled, smoke coming from his nose this time. Deidara glared at him.

"You bastard!" he screamed, launching himself at the strange man. Sasori caught him round the middle, stopping him.

"Calm down, Deidara," he said, calm himself. Deidara clawed viciously at Sasori, but the redhead held firm. Zetsu bent to look the blonde in the eyes, and Deidara saw true insanity. Zetsu stubbed out his cigarette on the tip of Deidara's nose.

"And then there's the last one. I knew he'd be with us soon, so I sent Tobi out a few nights ago to guide him to you, Sasori-san."

"Who did all of this?" Sasori asked. Zetsu shrugged.

"I won't be an informant this time, Sasori-san," he said, bringing a cigarette up to his lips with his left hand, and a match with his other one. Sasori gasped.

"You're wearing his ring!" he cried. Zetsu looked at his right hand with interest, finding he was indeed wearing a ring. Suddenly, it all dawned on Sasori. "Of course you won't be an informant to your Master!" Zetsu glared hatefully, throwing the cigarette on the ground.

"Get out," he growled. "I won't stand to watch you accuse anybody of these deeds."

"Only because it was all his plan! What reason would he have?" Zetsu forcefully pushed Sasori towards the door, Deidara along with him.

"I said get out!"

"It's-"

"Out!" Zetsu bellowed, finally pushing Sasori and Deidara onto the landing and slamming the door. Sasori sighed tiredly, leaning against the wall. Deidara fell to the ground, hugging his knees to his chest and whimpering. Sasori recovered and helped Deidara to his feet, taking him down the stairs and back to the shop. Tobi was there, cheerful as ever.

"Have a nice visit?" he asked. Sasori glared. "It's been a while since he's burned anybody, I must admit. Deidara must be very important. He hasn't yelled that loud since forever, either." Tobi looked sympathetically at Deidara. "Come over here, darling," he said, softer this time. "I'll treat that burn right up. You can stay there, Sasori-sama."

"You can't order me-" Sasori began, but a loud bang from the room upstairs seemed to remind him that Tobi had the favour of a certain man at this moment that he did not. So he gave in and allowed Tobi to lead Deidara away to a back room.

The room was small, with two chairs, and shelves lined with bottles of strange things, and a desk at the far end. Deidara paid little attention as Tobi sat him down in one of the chairs and started looking for a certain bottle. "You'll have to excuse Zetsu-sama," he said. "He's not quite in his right mind all the time. Oh here it is!" Tobi got the bottle and went over to the desk for a cotton swab. He returned and poured some of the viscous liquid onto it. "If you get to know him, he's quite a nice person. He protects the people he cares about, and is always terribly loyal."

"So?" Deidara said in a monotone. Tobi patted the cotton swab on the blonde's burn. Despite the intense stinging, Deidara didn't cry out. Tobi cleaned it out and looked it over, seemingly satisfied.

"You'd find Sasori much the same if you came from a position like mine," Tobi said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean we're both following different people. If you were following Zetsu, and I were following Sasori, then you would like Sasori about as much as you like Zetsu."

"Why would I follow the man who killed my entire family, un?" Deidara asked angrily. Tobi sighed, shaking his head.

"That's not what I meant. I mean, it's completely circumstantial that you dislike Zetsu-sama."

"Maybe it's completely circumstantial that you love him, yeah." Tobi pursed his lips.

"Who said anything about love?" he asked.

"Like, then, un," Deidara said. "But you're ignoring the fact that Sasori-san and Zetsu are completely different."

"That's Zetsu-sama to you. You're done, you can go now." Tobi turned his back on Deidara, who got up and went back to Sasori. Sasori put an arm around the blonde and led him home.

* * *

Once they got home, they returned to Sasori's room. "I'm sorry," Sasori said as they sat down on the bed. "I'm so sorry I brought you. I shouldn't have let you hear all of that." Deidara said nothing. "Zetsu is about as off his rocker as they come. He lost it years ago. In fact, I'm not even sure he had any sanity to begin with."  
"Who was it, yeah?"

"What?"

"It was the same person, I know it, un! The person who raped Konan, the person who 'let slip' to those people, the person who sent the men who killed Hidan and Kakuzu- it's the same person, un!"

"Calm down. I don't know, it could be."

"You know it is, un!" Sasori stroked Deidara's hair.

"Please calm down," he said. "I know this is hard, but please, try to keep a level head." Deidara nodded, taking deep, shuddering breaths. Eventually he got a hold of himself and was ready to listen to Sasori. "Zetsu doesn't want to be an informant on only one person. I know who that person is. We can't do anything about it." Deidara's face fell. "But I can spare you. I'll write to him, and tell him everything I know. Zetsu has gained new importance to him, thus the ring, and wouldn't jeopardize that for me. But I'll be putting him in danger anyway, by telling his Master all that I heard."

"I hope he kills Zetsu, un." Sasori smiled sadly.

"Deidara, you of all people should know there are fates worse than death," he sighed. "Zetsu has been very helpful to us. He told us things he knew, which were likely secrets, despite all the danger he could be put in."

"But he-"

"You have to take into account he's not normal. Deidara, you have to understand people in their own languages. For example, you'd never take Tobi's cheerfulness too offensively. He's just like that. I don't get insulted if you yell at me and cry and scream, you've been through a lot that's made you that way. And I hope you don't take my apathy as insulting, either. It's my way of protecting myself." Deidara cocked his head to the side.

"What, un?" Sasori licked his lips, his only sign of nervousness.

"You've probably noticed how calm I act… that is usually very disconcerting to people." Sasori leaned forward and kissed Deidara's cheek. Deidara pulled back a little, blushing. "Do you not like when I kiss you?" Sasori asked. Deidara shook his head fervently.

"No! It's just…" Deidara looked down, then up into Sasori's eyes, no hint of shame. "Why do you have such an interest in me?" Sasori gave a small chuckle, fingering a lock of Deidara's hair.

"You're a very important person, Deidara. Don't try to deny it."

"So, un?" Sasori had never run up against this. "So what if I'm 'important', un? Why do you have such an… avid interest in me, yeah?" Sasori sat back, contemplating the question.

"I killed myself, once," he said. Deidara frowned.

"What…?"

"I hung myself, from that light." Sasori gestured at the light above their heads. Deidara eyed it with new meaning. "Everything went black, and I woke up in a hospital."

"So you didn't kill yourself, yeah," Deidara pointed out.

"I did. There was a Sasori I had done away with. There was a me I had squashed and chopped up into little bits and thrown out. I told you I'd been to death and back again. I believe that to be true. I saw death, and was brought back. Isn't that the worst? When you want to die, and are forced to live, as if a force is keeping you chained to life? But you know that feeling, don't you?" Deidara nodded, slowly. Once he had made that decision, and not expected to live, it was strange and hard to live. "And you know what? That's important. You didn't succeed, and neither did I, and now we're here. I know how you feel, and that's what's brought us together." Sasori watched Deidara's face for a reaction. The blonde's face was slightly confused, but he had a concerned and heartfelt expression.

"Is that what love is?" Deidara asked. "Is it fate, giving two people a reason to be together, and then finding a reason to stay together, yeah?" Sasori smiled.

"I couldn't have put it better myself." Sasori sighed. "I'll write to him, the man who I think is responsible." Deidara looked at him cautiously.

"Promise, un?"

"Promise."

* * *

Slowly, Deidara learned more things about Sasori. And with every little thing he learned, he found in it another reason to stay. Sasori, just out of college, learned Deidara couldn't read and began to teach him. Deidara had his suspicious his newfound partner had good reasons to be distracting him, but was eager to learn anyway. He wasn't the best of students, but Sasori worked with him in such a way that eventually he was able to read small words, and then sentences, and finally he finished books. While Sasori was at work he practiced and studied, and soon months had passed.

* * *

Days went ordinarily. Sasori ate breakfast with Deidara, then left for work. Deidara amused himself easily around the house until Sasori returned in the evening, when they spent time together, talking. Usually, Sasori explained things about society and things, and Deidara listened attentively. Occasionally, Deidara would ask about what exactly Sasori was in society, and he would reply nonchalantly that he was a nobody to society, but to the undergrounds he was as good as God. Deidara waved this off. But he teasingly started calling Sasori 'Danna'.

* * *

Sasori urged Deidara to go outside, but he refused. There was always money left on the table for him, but he still wouldn't leave. But Sasori understood, and simply urged gently. Chiyo had not yet returned from her vacation, but Deidara didn't trouble himself over it. He was getting used to regular meals and warmth.

* * *

"Did you write to that man, un?" Deidara asked suddenly, one night at dinner. Sasori chewed slowly, mulling over how to answer him.

"Yes."

"And…un?"

"He hasn't written back."

"Oh…un. What's his name?"

"I don't think I want to tell you."

"Why, un?"

"I'm not sure how I want to handle all of this."

"Does this man mean that much to you, yeah?" Sasori shook his head.

"It's Zetsu, really. I brashly went to him the other day. I wasn't exactly taking in all the complications of the situation, I just knew he had to know something." Sasori looked down at his plate.

"How close are you with Zetsu, un?"

"Extremely, but he's not normal. He knows things you couldn't possibly guess how he found out. When my grandmother went on her vacation, he told me before she did." Deidara sat in silence, contemplating this. "He has an obsession with his 'master', of sorts. If it weren't for this man, neither he, nor Tobi, would be alive. But no matter. That's not anything for you to worry about."

"Why was it a problem to go to him?"

"Because he told us things, and I was able to infer things, that could get him killed."

"Well that's his fault, yeah!" Deidara said, crossing his arms and sticking his nose in the air. Sasori paused.

"Perhaps," he said slowly. "But how have you been keeping yourself? Been reading a lot?" Deidara nodded. "Don't let this whole thing bother you. Just try moving on." Deidara sighed, hanging his head.

"Easier said than done, un." Sasori stood up, taking Deidara's hand and taking him over to the couch. He sat him down there, looking seriously into his eyes.

"I know," he said. "When I was very young, I lost my parents. They were my family, and I hadn't even met Chiyo. I lost everything because I couldn't inherit until I was eighteen."

"But you have Chiyo, un," Deidara mumbled.

"And now you have me. Please, I want to be that person for you, Deidara," Sasori said honestly. Deidara looked away.

"That's…" Saosri waited patiently. "How much do you care about me, un?"

"More than you could imagine."

"Then why don't you pursue this, huh? Why do you care more about some murderer than my happiness, un?" Sasori sighed.

"Because I care about you both. You're safe, I've made sure of that, but Zetsu isn't."

"You'd sacrifice my happiness and mental peace for his safety, yeah?"

"But you're not in any real danger-"

"Danna!" Deidara screeched. "I'm fine physically, but please, I don't know if I could ever be happy knowing… all of this, un!" Deidara leapt to his feet and ran off. Sasori didn't stop him. He sat there, trying to comprehend.

* * *

An hour or so later, Sasori got up and went into his room. He still had the cot up, incase the bizarre attachment Deidara had on him was purely circumstantial. Now it was put to good use, and he fell asleep silently, listening to Deidara's breathing.

* * *

The next morning Deidara didn't get out of bed. Sasori was already dressed and had breakfast on the table. Checking his watch exasperatedly, he reentered the bedroom. There he found Deidara, sitting up in bed, staring out the window. "It's not so bad out there, un… I could go and avenge them on my own, yeah," he said. Sasori shook his head.

"Where would you go?"

"Zetsu's bitch seemed to like me just fine, un. He could hide me for a few days and maybe I could figure it out on my own, yeah."

"He wouldn't."

"I can dream, can't I, un?" Sasori sighed, sitting down next to Deidara.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I was only trying to find a way to keep both of you happy. But… I've come to a decision on that." Deidara looked over at him. "I've decided that it's impossible, and I have to get my priorities straight." Sasori took a deep breath. "If you're not happy, I'm not sure what I would do. If I made you unhappy, I'd feel so terrible. But Zetsu…" Sasori paused, and sighed. Deidara looked away, hoped wilting. "Zetsu's already lost. Believe me. All this time I've been trying to be what I am to you for him, but it hasn't worked. I now have you to take care of, and I should just let go. You're not Zetsu, and I can deal with that." Deidara took a shaky breath, nodding.

"What's your history with Zetsu, un?"

"My history? Oh, it's a long story…"

"Tell it to me when you get home, yeah?"

"Of course." Sasori stood up and kissed Deidara's forehead, before leaving to work.


	7. Chapter 7

"I'm sorry," the woman interrupted. "But what does this have to do with… that night?" The café was bathed in sweet summer light. It was busy around the little table, waiters and customers bustling about with their own business. Before her sat a glass of water, and across from hers sat another one, still completely full. Across from that a man sat easily, blond hair cascaded about his shoulders, his golden skin glowing in the afternoon glow.

"You'll see, if you'll just be patient, un," he said. But then he sighed, looking at all the happiness around him. The sun shone brightly down on the small open-air shopping area. Children were playing in the small courtyard outside. Birds flew from tree to tree, chirping loudly. Young people sat at tables of two or three, chatting amiably while drinking their coffee. Families passed by on their way to shopping, mothers reprimanding their misbehaving children, holding their hands strictly afterwards. Teens walked around with their sagging jeans or designer jackets. A few stray groups of teenage girls passed by now and then, giggling and gossiping about things, talking on the phone, or texting. "You're not bored to far, are you, yeah?"

"Oh no," the woman said hastily, taking a sip of her water. She flipped her pink bangs out of her eyes and checked her Rolex watch.

"Don't tell me you have to be somewhere, hmm," the man said.

"No, no, just checking the time," the woman said with a nervous little laugh. "Please, do continue your story."

"I don't think you really want to hear the rest of it, un," he said with a sniff.

"I really do, honest! This is very important to me!" The man smirked, a bitter, hateful gesture of a man who has no reason to find good in the world.

"No it isn't. I know you don't want to hear about this."

"You said you'd tell me exactly why I deserve all strange and unusual tortures the world has to offer. Are you saying I'm not?"

"No, you not being able to listen all the way would only prove my point. At least hear me out, un." The man looked around. "What time did we get here?"

"Eleven, I think."

"What time is it now, un?"

"Twelve-thirty." The man nodded.

"Hour and a half, un. But don't worry, you have a lot left, so sit tight, yeah." Sighing, the man thought a moment, as if to recall his place, then commenced his story once more.

* * *

When Sasori got home, Deidara let him change into his casual clothes and enjoy a nice, refreshing drink before he started looking at him with his pleading eyes. Sasori understood, and they made their way to the living room, sitting down on the couch. "So?" Deidara prompted, leaning forward and looking searchingly into Sasori's eyes. He had a feeling this story would explain so much about the man he was now so utterly and hopelessly attached to, and he was ready to know a few things.

"I sort of accidentally met Zetsu," Sasori started. "In college, I went into his shop, and we somehow became friends. I knew he was sort of off, but I never quite understood it until I was dragged into his dark world. He's stark raving mad. I've seen him try to kill himself in all seriousness more times than I care to count. We were, and are, part of an underground… society, as it were."

"Explain that. You've never told me about that, un."

"It's rather complicated-" Sasori tried.

"I don't care, un." Sasori licked his lips, seeing no alternative in Deidara's stony gaze.

"All right. We are counterfeiters." Deidara said nothing. "I tried to pay him with the bills he had printed, and he just laughed at me. It's highly illegal, we could go to jail for the rest of our lives if anyone found out we had even associated with counterfeiters. The government- well, the government doesn't take lightly to it. There's a man who organized it all originally, I know his name, but Zetsu obstinately refers to him as 'master'. I'm afraid his obsession has gone over the top." Deidara nodded slowly, trying to take this all in. "I didn't want to tell you, but since you know, I guess it goes without saying to keep it a secret?" Deidara nodded. "Good." Sasori caressed Deidara's cheek. "His name is Madara Uchiha."

"Will you write that out for me, un?"

"Of course." Sasori got a piece of paper and pen and did so. Deidara stared at it for the longest time.

"I think I have it memorized, un," he said slowly. Sasori and he just sat there for a long moment, silently. Then Sasori drew the younger man into a tender embrace, holding him as delicately as a rose, but as desperately as a dying man.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I- I'm not overly emotional because of my medication. It keeps my heart rate steady, and it prevents me a lot from reacting as emotionally as I should. I'm sorry if I seem like an emotionless bastard. I also act this way, to keep from getting hurt. But it hurts much more, believe me." Deidara held Sasori as well, and that's how they fell asleep that night. Deidara had found another reason to keep snuggling with his redhead.

* * *

The next day, when Deidara was home and Sasori gone to work. Deidara was sitting in the living room, painfully working his way through the book he had picked up, when a letter was slipped through the slot on the front of the door. Curious, Deidara marked his book and stood up, padding over across the room to pick it up. He gasped, letting it slip from his hands in a moment of shock. Desperately, Deidara retrieved the letter and kept a tight hold on it, staring with wide, panicking eyes at the name. _Madara Uchiha_. Taking a deep breath to control his rioting nerves, Deidara opened the letter and shakily began to read.

__

Dear Sasori,

Adorable, as always. Thank you for alerting me to how much he's willing to share. I'll devise some appropriate punishment for that. As for killing those pests, I have my reasons. I asked them to follow me. A simple request. All they would have to do is submit to my orders. But he refused when I told him I would neither pay, feed, clothe, or house him and his subordinates. Nobody denies me and gets away with it, so I set about having them disposed of. As you see, it's taken quite a while, and I missed one. I'll be coming soon for him, and to punish my little Zetsu. I don't think even you can guess my plans now, which is good. I don't enjoy when my moves become predictable. I'd hate to displace Tobi, so he can replace that blond thing to you. How about that?

Sincerely,

Madara Uchiha.

Deidara stared. His hands began to shake, and a cold sweat beaded on his forehead. So this was what had happened. This was everything that had ever happened to him. Pein had refused a great counterfeiting lord, and they had all paid the price. "I wish they would've killed me, un," Deidara whispered, tears of sorrow and rage trickling down his flushed cheeks. "If ever I had to die for someone, it would've been one of them, yeah!" Quickly, though, he placed the letter back in the envelope and back on the table. He ran off to the room he shared with Sasori to think about what he would do next.

He didn't know if he could trust Sasori to avenge everyone. After all, it wasn't Sasori who was in danger. What was he supposed to do? Just lay down and die? No, Sasori would tell him what to do. Sasori wouldn't let any harm come to Deidara. Everything would be fine, once Sasori got home.

* * *

There Deidara stayed until Sasori came home and found him, swirling in a mix of his own worries and insecurities. "What's wrong?" he asked, sitting next to him on the bed and wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"I read your letter, un," Deidara mumbled, looking away.

"And?"

"He says- he-"

"Here, why don't I read it?" Sasori got up and came back with the letter. As he read, his face paled, and then all the blood rushed back and flushed his clammy cheeks. "I- I had no idea it would come to this," he said softly. "I knew he resented the law, but to- to- _murder_." Sasori licked his lips, looking down wide-eyed at the paper. "I have to tell Zetsu right away! I have to warn him!" Sasori leapt to his feet, but Deidara reached out and clutched his arm, looking up at Sasori with all the panic, distress, and terror he felt, and had ever felt.

"Don't leave me alone here, un!" he cried, feeling his own reason slipping away from the grasp of reality. Sasori looked at him, a hint of fear also in his gaze. Deidara remembered what he had been told about Sasori's emotions, and felt a slight amount of bile sting his throat.

"Of… of course," Sasori said slowly, taking his seat again. "We need to think about this." Sasori licked his lips, staring at the letter. "He could travel about as fast as this letter, I'd say. He's likely here already, in the city." He took a deep breath, and tried to calm himself. "Deidara…" Sasori said slowly, "if I gave you a gun, would you hesitate to use it?" Deidara shook his head.

"No, un."

"Follow me," Sasori ordered, making sure the blonde stayed close to him as he walked down the hall to a closet. From this closet he drew two fully loaded guns, handing one to Deidara and explaining how to use it. Deidara nodded, looking gingerly at the weapon, whose brothers had murdered his family. "Deidara," Sasori said firmly, reading his mind. "He's the one who did it." Deidara nodded, anger flashing in his eyes. Sasori nodded and they retreated back to his room. "He's a man who will resort to anything. You should know that, look at what he's done to you. Don't be afraid, I'll do anything I have to in order to keep you safe." Laying his gun in his lap, Sasori took Deidara's hands in his and looked him in the eyes. "Over this time we've spent together, I've grown attached to you. These emotions are hard to control, and sometimes I just want to stay in bed all day with you. I think- I _know_- that I love you, Deidara." Sasori leaned forward and kissed the blonde's forehead. Deidara sighed, opening his mouth to reply, but Sasori lay a delicate figure on those beautiful, curved lips. "No. I want you to think seriously about what you're about to say. I don't want to hear it right now. Think carefully." Deidara nodded. "If- _when_- we get through this, I'll be ready to hear your answer, and whatever it may entail."

* * *

"I have to use the bathroom," Sasori said after hours of sitting up in his room. They both went down the hall to the bathroom, and Sasori led Deidara into the room itself. Embarrassed, Deidara turned his back while Sasori relieved himself. When the redhead was washing his hands, they heard a crash and loud thump from the direction of Sasori's room. Terror shot through their hearts, and they made eye contact. Each taking their gun firmly, they proceeded down the hall cautiously, holding their guns close. They reached the door to Sasori's room, and paused, looking at each other. In Deidara's eyes, Sasori saw the anger of revenge and a bloodlust that was so passionate, no one would doubt his ability. But behind it all was the fear and insecurity his own danger gave him. In Sasori's eyes, Deidara saw a slight fear, but overall a stony resolve, that made Deidara feel secure and safe, no matter what was on the other side of this door. Sasori gave a little nod, and threw open the door, and they ran in, guns raised.

A tall man with long, unruly black hair stood before them, pale face grinning, red eyes laughing. "Hello," he said amiably, raising his hands palms facing the pair. "As you can see, I'm unarmed. Wouldn't it be unfair to shoot an unarmed man?" Sasori spat at the man's feet.

"You bastard," he said, rage evident in his voice. "How dare you do that to innocent children?" The man chuckled.

"My, Sasori-san, what do you care?"

"What do I care? There are murdered children, and I've befriended the man responsible!" The man's face now frowned.

"My, did you learn all of this from Zetsu?" Sasori said nothing. "You've nothing to fear for Zetsu, anything I'd want from him he'd do willingly." Sasori still said nothing. The man sighed. "Sasori-san, there's nothing I can do to him anymore, you've got nothing to be afraid of."

"It was my fault for going to him," Sasori said suddenly. "You shouldn't have done anything to him."

"He gave away information."

"He had no idea what I was going to use it for." The man sighed.

"Of course, of course. But if you're trying to make me feel remorse for anything I've done, you're wasting your time. Zetsu did it all himself." Sasori's eyes widened, arms lowering a minute degree.

"What?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes, did himself in this afternoon. You're a very bad friend, Sasori-san, letting him get away with that." Sasori's face fell, and he lowered his gun, hands shaking. "If you don't believe me, you can go console Tobi tomorrow, if he's still alive."

"What are you going to do to him?" Sasori asked, eyes unfocused and staring off in a slightly different direction.

"Nothing; it all depends on if he can last the night without Zetsu." Sasori's hands were shaking too terribly now. Deidara's face was a livid vermillion, and he held his arms steady.

"Sasori, is this Madara, un?" Deidara asked, hate and anger solidifying his words, the very fury of years of torment shooting from his eyes at the very man responsible.

"Y-yes," Sasiro gasped, falling back to lean against the wall. A single shot rang out, straight and true. It hit its mark.

* * *

An hour had passed. Deidara held Sasori as the redhead wept. He didn't know how to comfort, but he knew just his warmth against Sasori's shivering body would be enough. An hour in that cold room next to that slowly freezing corpse, and not a single word. Finally, Sasori pulled himself together and stood, though shakily, and walked over to the body. He stood looking down at it, face pale and sickly, but firm. "We… have to do something… about…" Deidara nodded, understanding completely. Sasori sighed, rubbing his face tiredly. "Let's just put him in the closet for now." He grabbed one arm, Deidara the other, and the managed to drag the heavy body over to the closet. Sasori opened it, and another body fell out onto him.

Sasori screamed, dropping Madara as he was pulled down by the weight of the second corpse. He continued screaming, seeing now exactly whose corpse he was stuck under. Deidara dropped Madara as well, the crunch of a body falling on top of itself falling upon deaf ears, and pulled the second corpse off of the man he cared the world for. It was an old woman he recognized as Chiyo. Sasori, still in a state of terror and panic, stumbled to his feet to gaze at his grandmother's corpse. "She- she-" Sasori couldn't finish his sentence, and, eyes rolling back in his head, fainted.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: A hurry up chapter, I admit, but emotional and dramatic nonetheless. I was picturing them in sort of Dickens England, but maybe not, seeing as they have cars and phones and such. Oh well. Please review, I got very few on the last chapte! I need to know who's out there reading! Enjoy!

-WP

* * *

Sasori awoke in his bed. He groaned, rubbing his forehead and opening his eyes. The lights were on and the sun was up, and perhaps it was eight, maybe nine, in the morning. Sitting up, he found his clothes were clean, and looking around he found no hint of blood on the carpet. Everything was emotionlessly still. Wondering if the previous night had merely been a nightmare, Sasori sat up and found Deidara sleeping on the cot beside his bed. "Deidara?" he asked softly, feeling the dry cracks in his throat with the single word. The blonde stirred and groaned. Sasori got up and shook his shoulder. "Deidara," he repeated. Said blonde cracked an eye open. Yawning, he sat up.

"Yeah, Danna, un?"

"How are you?"

"Tired, yeah." Sasori stroked the blond locks away from Deidara's forehead and kissed the tan, clammy skin.

"What happened?"

"I killed someone, un," Deidara muttered, averting his eyes. Sasori sighed lightly, closing his eyes momentarily, composing himself, beofre opening them again.

"I know. It's all right. What happened after I fainted?"

"I sat in a corner and cried, un. Then I got up and put… them…. in the closet and cleaned up all the… evidence, un. You looked awful, like you were going to die, so I helped you into bed and cleaned you up, un. Then I went to sleep." Deidara closed his eyes. Sasori sat there, next to the cot, stroking Deidara's hair and holding his hand, just laying together and listening to each other breath.

"We have to do something," he said softly. Deidara nodded in agreement. "We can get rid of Madara without much problem, but he allowed himself to be killed. There's got to be somebody out there alerted to the fact he was here. Unless…" Sasori got up, turning has back on Deidara while he thought. "Unless… he knew he was going to die. In which case he would have been caught and told the authorities about the whole system. Would he do that?" Sasori bit his lip. "He must have known I was untrustworthy. He would have no problem turning me in, in the event we were caught. But what about Zetsu and Tobi?" Sasori sat on his bed, holding his head in his hands. "He could assume I wouldn't turn them in because I'm close to Zetsu, but if I got turned in I may turn them in as well. That's a risk he wouldn't be willing to take with his Zetsu." Sasori sighed. Deidara sat up on the cot, watching as Sasori worked everything out. "He must not have been caught, or else the police are on their way here. Which they aren't." Sasori took a deep, calming breath. "So he wasn't caught. Or maybe he was, and decided that to protect Zetsu he'd have to protect me as well. But he's not that noble." Sasori licked his lips.

"Why would he just walk in here unarmed knowing I had turned against him?"

"Did he really know, un?" Deidara asked.

"Yes… I sent him a letter notifying him that he had crossed the line and I would have nothing to do with him." Deidara nodded. "I don't know what's going on! Come, get up, we need to see Zetsu."

"But isn't he…?" Sasori shook his head, trying to clear it.

"He can't be. I know he's stark raving mad, but he wouldn't…" Sasori sighed. "I'm not going to trust that lying cad. Come on, get your coat, we're leaving." Sasori got up and almost opened the door to the closet, but shied away from it once he remembered. Licking his lips, he glanced out the window. "We don't need coats. Come on, let's go." Sasori took Deidara's hand and looked him over. He was mildly presentable, though his hair was mussed and his clothes wrinkled. Deciding it didn't really matter right now, Sasori led Deidara from the house and to the bus stop. It seemed so normal, so usual a thing to do, that Sasori almost laughed hysterically at the notion of waiting for the bus with two corpses in a closet back at home. But Deidara grabbed his hand seriously and held it tightly, bringing him back to the reality of it all.

They got on the bus and got off the bus at the usual stop. The shop looked even more deserted and dirty, and Sasori paused before the door. He looked up to the second story window, which had the curtains drawn somberly. "It can't be true," he whispered. "It can't be." Resolutely he opened the door and stepped into the shop. It was as silent as the grave, with no sign of life. The pair stood there for a long moment, just taking in the dirty floor, the bland walls, and the tables and tables of dead plants. What had once been blooming, vibrant, though moving and horribly ugly, plants, were now all wilted brown corpses. The leaves were already crumpled piles of ash.

Sasori took a deep breath, dropping Deidara's hand and stepped past the ruin of the plants and into the back of the shop, Deidara following. There they found Tobi curled up in the corner, sobbing. "Get up," Sasori ordered, voice hoarse. Tobi looked up and then leapt to his feet, bowing politely to show his respect, and to hide the tears still sliding down his cheeks.

"Hello, Sasori-sama," he said, voice quivering. "What brings you here?" His eyes were red, swollen, and bloodshot, his complexion insipid with grief.

"What happened?" Sasori asked with steely resolve. Tobi collapsed into the seat in front of the desk. Sasori stayed standing, and Deidara did as well.

"What do you mean?" Tobi asked lethargically.

"I mean to Zetsu." Deidara shuddered at hearing a dead man's name.

"I don't know!" Tobi screamed, face flushing a light vermilion, eyes flashing a confused anger. "One moment he was all fine, and telling me how good I'd been to him, and touching and feeling and- and- when I come back, he's so cold and stiff- just lying there! I tried CPR, Heimlich, anything, but he wasn't breathing and he didn't have a heart beat." Tobi hunched over, hugging himself as he allowed fresh tears to fall down his face.

"What did you do?" Sasori asked, face white as an unsoiled sheet.

"I left him on his bed. I couldn't call the police…" Sasori sighed.

"No. I suppose you couldn't." There was a tense silence. "What were you doing when you last spoke with him?" Tobi looked up, a hint of embarrassment playing behind his sorrow.

"We were… doing… um…"

"Were you having sex?"

"No… but…"

"Have you two had sex?" Tobi blushed now at Sasori's questioning.

"It's none of your damn business," he said hotly. Sasori sighed, bending over to look Tobi in the eye.

"It is, Tobi. Without Zetsu around to tell me, you're the only one who can. I need to know what Zetsu did his last day, all right? Yesterday. You can remember it. Tell me everything truthfully, and we can get this over with." Tobi nodded. Sasori was scary. "Have you had sex?" Tobi nodded. "How often?"

"Off and on, whenever he felt like it."

"Did he call you Tobi?"

"Yes, he did," Tobi spat. Sasori nodded.

"Did you two have sex yesterday?"

"No."

"Did you engage in other sexual activities?"

"Yes." Sasori nodded, thinking.

"Did Zetsu take any calls or receive any mail?"

"Yes."

"How would you describe him after he read his letter?"

"Dead." Sasori shivered and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Tell me about it."

"Well, a letter was shoved under the door and by the time I got there, there was no one. I picked up the letter and looked at it. I saw it was for Zetsu, so I went up to his bedroom and knocked on the door. When I came in, he was writing something. I gave him the letter, he thanked me, and I left. When I came back up twenty minutes later to see if he wanted dinner, he was lying on his bed, stone cold. I went over to him and tried to wake him up, but then I realized he wasn't breathing and I tried CPR. It didn't work, and I realized he didn't have a heartbeat. And- and-" Tobi stuttered, then let his head fall into his hands. Sasori sighed.

"Did you leave him there with his letter?"

"Y-yes." Sasori nodded. "He was too beautiful to die," Tobi mumbled. "So, so beautiful."

"Do you think he loved you?" Sasori spat bitterly. Tobi looked up.

"Yes. I believe he did. Why else would we have…?"

"He didn't love you. He was in love with Madara, completely and utterly." Tobi blinked.

"W-what?"

"You were a cheap replacement. Madara would never touch him, or even look at him, and you would. You would die for him, wouldn't you?" Tobi nodded. "Whatever. It seems he's abandoned you." Deidara took a shuddering breath.

"Danna, please, we didn't come here to verbally abuse Tobi, un," he said, reaching out to hold Sasori's hand. Sasori looked back at him, then at Tobi, then sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before reopening them resolutely.

"Let's go," he said, letting go of Deidara and brushing past the blonde. Deidara looked sympathetically at Tobi, then followed his Danna up to the bedroom. There Zetsu's corpse was lain out on the bed, eyed open, mouth slightly agape. His arms were by his side, wrists facing upward to display his scarred wrists. Sasori stopped dead, looking at Zetsu's body. He turned a chalky colour, eyes clouded over. Deidara braced Sasori, helping support him. They stood there for a minute or so, merely looking at the body. "Gods," Sasori whispered, leaning heavily on Deidara, "what are we going to do?" He closed his eyes, breathing deeply. Finally he opened his eyes and found his own way to a chair, sitting down with his head in his hands. Deidara, licking his lips, tiptoed over to the body and looked it over. He found the letter lying by his side, and Deidara picked it up, looking at it. He slowly made out the words.

__

Dear Zetsu,

Well, darling, I'm afraid we're caught. At least, I am. They may figure out I had someone else, but I've made sure they never trace it to you. Don't ask the details, it could send you to prison. I love you, and I hope you treasure the ring I gave you. And I know you fuck Tobi. Believe me, I know more about what you do than you do. But believe me, I also know you call him 'master' or 'Madara' in your head.

Here Deidara stopped, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. This was too disgusting.

__

And believe me, whoever I fucked over the years, I've only known their names. It's disgusting the way you follow me, and pine over me, and want me, and fantasize about me. I would never, ever lay a finger on you. And if you're going to bother to obsess over me, you did a poor job of not letting someone else get their hands on you. But now the entire operation falls on you. I trust you'll understand. I've kept you safe at the expense of my own life, and believe me, guess who is very confused right now. But don't worry. I'll save him too, fucking worthless piece of shit. Until you die,

Uchiha Madara.

Deidara let the paper fall from his chalk-white, trembling hand and turned to Sasori. The redhead wasn't in much better state, looking as if he had truly seen a ghost. Deidara picked up the paper and walked over to his friend. "Here, un," he said, voice quivering and unfocused. Sasori looked at it.

"You read it?" he asked. Deidara nodded. Slowly, Sasori took it and read it himself, much quicker than Deidara. "Gods," he muttered upon finishing, letting the paper fall like a dead leaf to the floor. His head dropped into his hands. "They're all insane. Every last one of them. They're all suicidal and fucking _mad_." Sasori gulped thickly. "Madara was just looking for a reason to kill and be killed, just to _hurt_, and get away with it. Gods." Deidara knelt in front of Sasori and wrapped his thin arms around him, holding the now weeping redhead.

"It's all right, Danna, un," he whispered. There they stayed for maybe five minutes, maybe a lifetime. But eventually they stood and left back down to the bottom story. There they found Tobi as they had left him.

"Tobi, we're leaving," Sasori announced.

"Give me one reason…" Tobi said slowly, "not to blow my brains out." Sasori sighed.

"You don't have a gun," he said.

"Yes I do."

"What about taking care of Zetsu? He still needs someone, even though his spirit is somewhere else."

"What are you suggesting?"

"A proper burial." Sasori looked around. "Watch over him, and everything else, all right? It you decide to die, there'll be no one left."

"What about you?"

"I won't be here much longer either. You think I can stay after something like this has my name attached to it breaks? I'll be long gone. But you, on the other hand, need to clean up. After, if you still see a need, go ahead and blow your brains." Deidara whimpered, and Sasori looked soothingly at him. "Come on, let's go home." Sasori took Deidara's hand and lead him out of the shop.

* * *

"Where are we going, Danna, un?" Deidara asked quietly once they had exited the shop.

"I'll probably be going to America," he said softly, almost sadly.

"Just you? What'll happen to me?" Deidara asked, voice rising to a near shout.

"Deidara, please, I'm tired. Don't get upset." Deidara gulped thickly.

"What'll happen to me, un? Are you going to abandon me?"

"No, but really, I have to get out of the country. For good. I can't drag you along."

"I'd come willingly, yeah! Please, you're all I have, un. I don't have anything here, except you, un. If you leave, I leave too, yeah." Sasori still looked doubtful. "Please, Danna, I don't want them to get me."

"Who?"

"Whoever shot them, un. Whoever is after you, un. Don't abandon me." Sasori sighed, caving in, taking Deidara into his arms.

"All right, it's all right. We'll go together," he soothed. They parted, the older looking into the younger's eyes. "Well be together," he said. Together, they got on the next bus, together they sat, and together, they arrived at their home.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: WP, you fail. What's with all the summaries? *GASP* Could it be that by not giving specific benchmark incidents you hope to create a slow, drawn out feel that has a single mood?

Yeah. Sure. XD

Wondering what I've been up to? Some oneshots, "Gone Gone Gone" (you may find it interesting, may not.) There's something I've found I've been going to a lot called "school", and this phenomenon has been taking up quite a lot of my time. Not to mention a severe psychological disorder in which some pathways in my brain get blocked, and I find my creativity completely inactive. (Some people call this "writer's block", but I call it "getting a life".)

Special super-Disney-sprinkles thanks to shikamau's fangirlxxx for a line Deidara uses. I didn't come up with it, but it gave me the idea for the scene! Enjoy!

-WhirledPeace

* * *

When they got home they took showers, and packed. Deidara didn't have anything except the things Sasori had given him. Sasori kept adding and taking away, pondering, reorganizing, rearranging, and just fussing over the littlest things. He eventually got everything he wanted in a suitcase and carry on bag, and locked himself in his room for hours. Deidara wandered between the stories, rooms, and feelings. All the emotions he went through, though, were merely different shades of grey compared to what he had been feeling. Leaving. Leaving. He kept repeating it to himself, not quite knowing if the word was real or the ever-distant horizon. Could he really go to a different country with his Danna? It was a dream. It had to be. There was nothing in this world that could be so perfect.

* * *

Eventually Sasori removed himself, eyes red and with dark bags over and under. "California's nice this time of year," he said. Deidara said nothing, leaning against the wall opposite the door. "You know where that is?" Deidara shook his head. Sasori sighed. "It's a long flight, but I'm sure that'll be all right. They speak English there, but differently. You'll understand. It's sunny, and there are beaches. Have you ever been to the beach?" Deidara shook his head. "A fucking island and you've never seen the beach? Well, their beaches are better anyway. All nice and sunny. And no snow. I know you don't like snow." Sasori stepped forward, reaching out a hand to caress Deidara's cheek, but the blonde caught it.

"I'm… tired, un," he said weakly. Sasori nodded.

"The bed's all yours. I'll be up for a while." Deidara nodded and stepped forward, Sasori making sure to give him his room. Just as they passed in the doorway, however, the blonde's lips pecked almost roughly at his own. But then the moment was over, and the door was separating them.

* * *

The next morning at five, Deidara was roused by the redhead. "Get up. We're leaving."

"Huh?" Deidara yawned, stretching and slipping out of bed.

"I've got all our things packed, and there's a cab outside the door. Here's your shoes and coat." Deidara quickly pushed his arms through the sleeves and his feet into the shoes, following his Danna silently out of the house. Swiftly, movements deft and small, Sasori locked the door and turned his back on the house, walking briskly to the cab and getting in. Deidara glanced back at the empty windows and dark spaces behind them, then followed Sasori, sitting against the window of the cab. The glass of the cab window was cooling to his heated cheek and fevered brain.

Suddenly, the cab swerved to a stop as a black car raced past. "Aiy, stupid," the cab driver mumbled. "Them stupid drivers don't have any respect." Sasori nodded and mumbled something, but Deidara whirled round to peer out the rear window. The car stopped outside the house, and men in black suites got out, and the last sight he had of the house was the door being broken down by strangers.

* * *

Sasori spoke gruffly and softly, getting the papers in order and soon, Deidara hazily following as if in a trance. Soon his clammy cheek was pressed against the icy glass of the window of the plane. He slid between sleep and consciousness, and the state between of lethargy and confusion.

* * *

The plane arrived in the sunny land of California, though it was dark now. Sasori got a shuttle, and told them the name of the hotel he had reserved. He then sat back, finding a pair of intense blue eyes trained on him. "Just relax, all right?" he whispered, barely audible. Deidara opened his mouth, but Sasori placed a finger over the soft, pink lips. "Later. We'll talk at the hotel." Deidara nodded and rested against the window again, breath fogging it.

* * *

The hotel was large, and Deidara followed his Danna through the many hallways and similar looking doors with numbers that meant nothing. They finally made their way to a certain room, like all the others, and before Deidara knew it he was on a bed and asleep.

* * *

When Deidara next awoke it was still dark, and Sasori was sitting up with a mug of coffee, writing quickly. Yawning, the blonde slipped from the bed and walked over to the small table, standing next to his Danna. "Danna, un?" Sasori looked up, not even aware of Deidara's presence.

"Yes?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"I- that is- um…" Deidara looked at the floor, not knowing how to phrase this. "You remember when… you said… that you-" Understanding dawned on Sasori's face, and he smiled bitterly, shaking his head.

"Deidara," he said simply, cutting the other short. The blonde stood absolutely still, watching Sasori with the most attention he'd ever given anything. "I… was foolish to say something like that. I was taking advantage. Of course I know you'd want to please me, and you'd want to say you love me. But Deidara, look at the situation! There was no other way you'd feel anything different, and I was taking advantage." Deidara nodded, slowly. "That's why I'm setting you free. I know you can read now, so you might be able to get a job serving coffee. You can make friends, get a roommate and a little apartment, and be happy on your own." Deidara nodded.

"If… if that's…" he couldn't say it. He already had tears welling into his eyes.

"Deidara, you can grow up, be on your own." Deidara nodded, feeling the hot, salty tears slide down his cheeks. He couldn't cry, he couldn't sob in front of his Danna. Sasori sighed. "Deidara, it's for the best. You know that. I was just taking advantage."

"Taking advantage, un…" Deidara repeated, feeling a numb cold sneak into his bones. Sasori sighed. Deidara had been to hell and back. He had seen so many horrors, too many for a boy his age. Was this truly hurting enough to prompt tears? After all he had been through, could he still cry over something like this? Sighing exasperatedly, Sasori got up and wrapped his arms around Deidara, allowing the blonde to cry into his shirt.

"Deidara, I'm sorry it has to be this way, but it's for the best," Sasori insisted, stroking the blond hair.

"No it isn't, un!" Deidara wailed. "Can't we stay together, un? Why do you want to abandon me like everyone else, un?" Sasori sighed. Of course Deidara would have abandonment issues, possibly separation anxiety as well. But that didn't mean Sasori had to give in.

"How will that benefit you? You need to go into the world, be a member of society, learn things, do things, _feel _things! If I get caught, if they trace me, they'll likely blame me for killing Zetsu, Madara, my grandmother, and Tobi."

"Tobi isn't dead, un."

"He will be soon." Deidara shuddered, holding Sasori tighter. "But Deidara, I- I… I can't make you happy! There's so much else out there you could do, or have, and I can't do it for you! Instead, you want to be stuck with me, without even knowing the other treasures the world holds!" Sasori pushed Deidara back, looking at him. "Deidara, there's so much more than this sorry little hotel room." Deidara shook his head.

"But no one else rescued me, un! No one else was there when I needed them, and now I don't need anyone but you, un! Love is fate, giving two people a reason to be together, and then finding a reason to stay together, un! We have our reasons, yeah! Don't hurt me, I don't want to hurt anymore, un!" Deidara hiccupped and took deep, calming breaths. He had to stay with his Danna, and he had to stay calm. "I don't want it to hurt anymore, un. Please, we don't need to be anywhere else but here, yeah." Deidara wrapped himself around Sasori once more. This was where he meant. Sasori sighed, defeated.

"All right. All right. Just don't cry, Deidara." Sasori wiped the blonde's tears, and Deidara nodded.

"Can I say it now, un?"

"Yes. You can say it."

"I love you, yeah." Something that had been ebbing away deep within Sasori finally, truly melted, and he let his own tears sting his eyes. He gasped Deidara's shoulders, and-

"Wait, wait, wait!" the woman cried. The man sighed, giving her a reproachful look. The woman covered her mouth and looked sheepishly at her hands. "It's just that… well…"

"The point is to make you awkward and embarrassed, un," the man said tiredly. "Unless you're blushing and trying not to look at me, what would be the point of all of this? Now be quiet and sit still, yeah."

"I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable-"

"Don't feel comfortable, un?" The man's tone was like cold metal. "Are you even thinking about how this whole story makes _me _feel, un? Now shut up and let me continue, yeah." The woman blushed and shut her mouth.

And they kissed gently. It was the most important moment of Deidara's life. That kiss was the promise of a lifetime. And not just any life. It was his promise to Sasori, the promise of his life and entirety. Sasori deepened the kiss, pressing Deidara back onto the bed. They broke away, and made eye contact, before feverishly pressing their bodies together. Deidara gasped, feeling a heat in his chest clamp over his lungs and heart. Closing his eyes, a dark flush covered his face and neck.

He gasped again, chest feeling constrained and hot, like he couldn't breath. Sasori stepped back, and Deidara's eyes opened, the hot pressure dissipating. "I'm sorry," Sasori said. "I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable." Deidara gulped.

"I'm sorry, un," he mumbled. "I… I know what you wanted to do, yeah."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Dei," Sasori said softly. "There's nothing wrong. I'm not mad, I'm not sad, or anything." Deidara nodded, sitting up on the bed and crawling over to Sasori, tentatively, and snuggling against him.

"Can we… um… sleep together, un? Not like that, just… un…" Sasori smiled and kissed Deidara's forehead.

"Of course." And they fell asleep together that night.

* * *

They stayed at the hotel for a week. Sasori went out every day looking for a job, and finally landed one. Deidara stayed in the hotel room, refusing to go outside, but not as firmly as before. Sasori knew being in a different country gave Deidara some assurance. Eventually, Sasori also had an apartment lined up. He had pulled some strings with some friends that had gotten them so many wonderful things. Plus he had the money.

* * *

The apartment was big enough for the both of them. It had two bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a living room. They bought the necessary furniture over time; a refrigerator, a couch, a table, a few chairs, and then a bed. Sasori said he wouldn't mind sleeping on the couch if Deidara wanted separate beds, but Deidara insisted on sleeping together. And Sasori had finally agreed. He could always relocate to the couch if he felt the need.

* * *

"A job, un?"

"Yes. I believe that would be appropriate. You could serve coffee or something." Deidara nodded, slowly. "Here, I'll help you. These applications aren't that hard."

"They misspelled some things, un."

"That's just Americans. Here, we'll just sit down and do them together…"

* * *

Deidara began working at a Starbucks. He was quiet and kept to himself, but efficient. His boss was sympathetic to the pathetic look of him, and was always careful not to ask too many questions or pry too much into the young man's life.

* * *

The sunlight splashed over Deidara's tan skin, and he let his eyes slide closed. His fingers tapped on the smooth wood of the table lazily as he felt all the tension and stress dissipate from his muscles. Sasori smiled lightly and walked over to his lover, placing a hand on the young man's shoulder and kissing him softly on the cheek. "What're you thinking about?" he asked. Deidara leaned his head back with a sad, almost nostalgic smile.

"Nothing, un."

"Are they on your mind a lot?" Sasori asked, kissing Deidara's forehead.

"You have no idea, un. But… it's not sad anymore, yeah."

"That's good to hear."

"I mean, their life was an explosion, it reached it's high point and disappeared. With a bang, un." Sasori licked his lips. "I think if I had to choose a way to go… I would do it quick, un."

"You shouldn't think about that."

"I know, but if I lost you, and everything else, un…" Sasori looked seriously into Deidara's eyes.

"Don't ever kill yourself, Deidara. You've fought too hard for this life, you've earned it."

"I've already attempted suicide once, un."

"And that's brought you to me. Deidara, I doubt I could ever rest easy if I thought you'd take your own life. Promise me."

"Promise what, un?"

"Promise you won't ever, _ever _kill yourself. No matter what happens." Deidara nodded.

"I promise, un." Sasori nodded and kissed Deidara's lips gently.

"Thank you," Sasori whispered against his lips. "That means a lot to me."

"Anytime, Danna, un," Deidara said cheerily, hugging Sasori's torso. Sasori pat his head. It all seemed perfect.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Last chapter! Tell me if it's confusing. Lemon and an ending, what more could you ask for? Enjoy, I worked extra hard on my exams so my step-mom would let me update! Enjoy and review please!

-WP

* * *

And then there was the night they made love.

They slid together, Sasori's arms wrapped tightly around his young, precious, delicate love. Deidara's body hugged Sasori's as they kissed fervently, falling back onto the bed. As they broke and gasped for air, their eyes met, and Sasori saw for the first time no fear or hesitation. He saw only love and adoration, and trust. Above all, a willingness and trustfulness of a drowning man to a lifeline.

"Deidara," Sasori murmured, gulping thickly.

"I'll stop you if you cross the line, un," Deidara said firmly, wrapping his legs around Sasori's waist. "Make love to me, hmm." Sasori licked his lips and dived back down, kissing Deidara passionately. He loved Deidara with all his heart, and now he was to prove it with his body.

Sasori slowly ran his hands up Deidara's chest, teasing the sensitive flesh. Deidara gulped and squirmed a bit. He was blushing furiously. Sasori leaned down, pressing his mouth to the younger's ear.

"Try and relax and enjoy this, Dei-kun," he whispered. Deidara gulped and wrapped his arms around Sasori's neck. Sasori lowered his mouth to the skin of Deidara's neck, running his tongue over the flesh. Deidara wiggled. "Patience," Saosir chuckled. He knew slow was best for the young man. He slid his hands to Deidara's hips, and then to the hem of his shirt. Slowly the garment was removed, and Sasori ran his hands again over Deidara's torso. The skin was uneven and scarred in some places, and a few odd ribs poked out, but he was better. Deidara was much better than when Sasori had first found him.

Deidara bucked his hips up, blushing darkly. Sasori took his time. He slowly undid the buckle of the pants, unzipped them, and then slid them down. They had had many close calls, almost getting to this part when Deidara shied away, calling it all off. Deidara closed his eyes and gulped, allowing the pants to be removed. "Remember, Dei, if I cross the line…"

"I know, un," Deidara insisted. "Just keep going, yeah." Sasori nodded, and ran his hands over the taught, strong skin of Deidara's legs. He noticed the bulge in the boxers and smiled. So Deidara was enjoying this. Sasori cupped his hand over the bulge and pressed down lightly. Deidara gasped. He hadn't even touched himself there. It sent strange tingles through his body, and made him want to get away from the touch, but also submerge himself in it. He closed his eyes, waiting for the hot, agitated feeling to dissipate. Sasori had stopped now and was watching him.

"Take deep breaths, Deidara. I'm not going to do anything until I know you're all right." Deidara nodded, lips a tight white line. Sasori sat patiently, waiting for Deidara to decide to continue or back off. Slowly, Deidara's clear blue eyes opened.

"K-keep going," he said, voice stuttering but audible and firm. Sasori paused, and then slowly removed Deidara's boxers. His erection stood up painfully, skin tight and a blooming red. Already a drop of pre-cum was beading at the tip. Sasori made eye contact with Deidara, then lowered his head to graze his lips over the tip, smearing the salty liquid over his kiss-swollen lips. Deidara gasped. It was all so new, so alien, he wanted to pull away and drown in it at the same time. His whole body felt flushed and clammy, as if he had a fever. It made him worried, but also like he wanted to close off his mind to all thinking at once. He gasped out loud when he felt Sasori's mouth begin to take in his penis, and like lightning Sasori removed his mouth.

"I'm sorry," Sasori said.

"Keep going, _God_, keep going, Sasori!" Deidara hissed, bucking his hips up. He had decided he was going for it, despite these unfamiliar feelings. He had never felt this good, and if it was strange, so be it. Sasori lowered his mouth back onto the tip of Deidara's penis. Deidara gulped and held still, though so many emotions were tangling in his brain and pulling in his heart he had just shut off everything but the physical, carnal pleasure. As Sasori's mouth encircled him once more, he cried out. The heat and wetness around him gave him hot shivers all through his body.

Sasori slowly slid his mouth lower on Deidara's hard erection. He knew his young lover was close, having never had any experience in this. He rubbed the tip of Deidara's erection at the back of his mouth, running his tongue along the bottom, from base to tip. Deidara shuddered, gasping for air. A few more long licks and sucks, Deidara cried out and expelled his seed in Sasori's mouth. Sasori swallowed and left Deidara's penis fall from his mouth, sitting up to look his lover in the eye. Deidara was sweating, hair a mess, face flushed a dark pink. Sasori crawled over him, kissing his lips softly. Once Deidara had caught his breath, they looked at each other. "Are you ready?" Sasori asked. "Do you want to continue?"

"Y-yes," Deidara replied. Sasori nodded and rolled off the bed. He unbuttoned his shirt, folding it and laying it on a chair. He then slipped off his pants, exposing his large, throbbing erection. Deidara gulped as the boxers came off, Sasori's body fully exposed. Once more, Sasori climbed over Deidara, kissing him passionately, their tongues slipping and sliding across each other. Deidara could taste the tang of his seed still in Sasori's mouth. Finally they separated for air, and Sasori traced his fingers lightly down Deidara's body, until he reached that area between Deidara's legs. Deidara bit his lip, spreading his thighs to give Sasori better access. Sasori reached back up to the nightstand, opening it and taking out a bottle of lube. He popped the cap open and dipped his fingers in, slowly sliding a single finger inside Deidara's tight heat. Deidara bit his lip. Sasori watched his lover's face as he slid a second finger inside, spreading them apart. Deidara gasped, moving back on the bed. Sasori stopped, allowing Deidara to adjust before moving his fingers some more. Once Deidara got used to the feeling, Sasori slid his third finger in, moving them all in different directions. Deidara was bucking up against the fingers, and once Sasori thought he was ready, he slipped his fingers from Deidara's body.

Sasori smeared some lube on his own penis, positioning it at Deidara's entrance. Deidara gulped and looked nervously up at Sasori. Sasori stopped, reaching up to caress Deidara's cheek. "Relax, all right?" he said. "If I hurt you, tell me to stop. I promise I'll stop." Deidara nodded.

"Just… go slow, please?"

"Of course." Slowly, Sasori pushed the tip into Deidara. Deidara bit his lip and tensed, and Sasori stopped. Once he felt Deidara's muscles relax, he again pushed slowly forward. He was part way when Deidara cried out, squirming away from Sasori. Sasori stopped, letting Deidara adjust. Once Deidara seemed less tense, Sasorio started again to push in, this time to the base of his erection. Deidara lay gasping, chest heaving with the intake of breath. Sasori stayed as still as he could, letting the sensation of the heat around him take his mind and feelings. Softly he pet Deidara's stomach, before running his fingers lightly down Deidara's erection from tip to base. Deidara whimpered, and Sasori stopped, instead resting his hand on Deidara's hip, stroking the skin.

Eventually, Deidara's breathing evened out, and he opened his eyes, licking his lips. "Relax, Deidara," Sasori reminded him. Deidara nodded, trying to let his muscles loosen up. Once Sasori thought he had relaxed enough, he slowly began to slide back out. Deidara gasped, and Sasori stopped once more. Deidara recovered quickly, and Sasori moved again. Now fully out, he slowly proceeded back in without too much discomfort to Deidara. As soon as he was again completely sheathed up to his base, Sasori leaned forward to kiss Deidara. When he adjusted, Deidara cried out. Thinking he had hurt him, Sasori stopped moving. "Do that again," Deidara panted. Sasori repeated the motion, and Deidara let out a whine of pleasure. Sasori pulled back, and slid back in, Deidara writing in pleasure and moaning loudly. Slowly Sasori built up speed, but not too fast. He stayed gentle and slow, making sure to hit Deidara's pleasure spot and make him moan. He came easily, and Sasori was soon to follow.

Deidara lay panting and sweaty, hair strewn across his face and fluids leaking from his insides and settling on his abdomen. Sasori got off the bed and grabbed a towel, coming back and cleaning Deidara off.

"Mmm… thanks Sasori, un," Deidara yawned.

"No problem," Sasori replied, pushing the hair from Deidara's forehead and kissing him. "You just get some rest." Going back to the bathroom, Sasori tossed the towel in the hamper, and then walking back to the bedroom he folded up Deidara's clothes and placed them on the chair. With a yawn and a stretch, he crawled into bed and they fell asleep.

* * *

Sex didn't become ordinary. They shared a bed and often showers or baths, but sex was different. Sex seemed much more of a struggle, in which battling emotions and hormones left Deidara ragged and sore. They cuddled and kissed, often holding each other on the couch or bed. But sex was an intimate act, that showed how strong a bond they had formed through tears, blood, and murder. Such an emotional bond didn't warrant an extreme physical manifestation.

* * *

They had settled into a routine. Breakfast together, then off to work. Deidara came straight home whenever he got off work in the late afternoon. He would wait around, reading, watching television, with dinner made by the time Sasori arrived home. It was dinner, maybe a movie, then a shower or bath and off to bed. Sometimes Sasori would come home late, and Deidara would sit up waiting and watching the clock anxiously. Even if Sasori was only a few minutes late, Deidara would become worried and almost hysterical. On the few occasions he knew he was going to be late, Sasori would call.

* * *

Deidara hadn't received a call. The clock was ticking away, and everything was silent, still, and dark. Why hadn't Sasori called?

_Because he had left already._

There was traffic. There was trouble at the office. He had stopped to buy something. Anything. All Deidara needed ws a reason he could live with.

_

* * *

Did the hands of the clock feel like bullets?_

"Oh my God! We hit somebody!"

_Did the worry eat away like acid?_

"Somebody call an ambulance!"

_How cold must it have been that night?_

"No officer, we only had a few drinks."

_How dark?_

"It was Hinata's birthday, we only each had a few."

_How could anyone survive that fear?_

"We decided I should drive because I've had the least."

_Do we know how lonely one person can feel?_

"Is he going to make it?"

_Now we do._

_

* * *

_

Lights flashed. There was a moment of terror. Only a moment. His neck snapped. No pain. The others were fine. One casualty.

_One._

_

* * *

_

"… and I'm sure, when the cars collided, it was art, un."


End file.
